Happy Birthday and Happy Easter

We had Cole's birthday party today. It was about 45 degrees and raining, so no party at the park. Yesterday we knew the weather was predicted to be bad so I called GattiTown and they had an opening at the same time the party was originally scheduled. So we went to GattiTown, not what I originally had planned, but it was warm and dry and most importantly the kids still had a great time. There were 6 boys at the party which was perfect. Cole got to ride the bumper cars for the first time and had a blast. Pizza, pirate cake, and games... a five year old's dream come true.

After the party we came home and decorated eggs for Easter. Boy I never knew how much work and planning went into being a parent, I'm tired. The thing that makes me happiest in life is seeing Cole happy, so all the work is worth it.

Gameball and other meanderings

Tonight Cole had his third T-ball game. He did a great job tonight. Not in the I'm going to be drafted by MLB way but in the I'm Cole way. The second inning the coach put him in at pitcher (they just pretend to pitch) but they are hit the majority of the balls. He stopped almost everyone and always with his goofy grin! The next inning he played catcher and again he was running after the ball. At bat he did well and ran hard. He cracks everyone up when he runs, because he looks like he is running in S L O W M O T I O N...but he thinks he is running fast, again always with that trademark grin. His coach is really beginning to spend some extra time with Cole which he needs and wants. Cole really looks forward to seeing Coach Joseph and getting "high-fives". This week at practice Cole was even standing with his arm around him, which about broke my heart. Anyway...after each game the coach awards the game ball to one player. Tonight he gave it to Cole. Cole was so excited and immediately came running to me. We have it in a silver glove trophy left over from my dad's coaching days. Cole is so proud.

I had some exciting news today. I had applied for several scholarships at school for next semester. I had to write an essay and give turn in some letters of recommendations. I submitted two letters from professors and one from my boss at work, and one from one of the doctors. I got an e-mail today that I was awarded a scholarship. YIPEE!! There is an award ceremony on the 12th that I have to attend to officially "accept" my scholarship. I'm excited, any little bit helps.

Only a few more days until Cole's "pirate" birthday party. I'm praying it doesn't rain. Cole has three boys from school that are supposed to attend and my friend Jennifer's boys, so we should have a great time. He is very excited. I've been sick w/ Strep AGAIN, so I'm hoping he doesn't get sick too. But so far he has been healthy. The running bet around my house is if his dad will even remember it is his birthday. Guess, we will see.

Glorious Spring

I needed the weekend. Last week was another crappy week at work. The beautiful spring weather was just what I needed.

Sunday we got up and did several hours of yard work. Both of flower beds in my parent's yard were only growing weeds. They need to be completely re-done. We got up early and got to work, pulling weeds and hoeing and then planting some new flowering bushes. Despite the aching muscles it was a lot of fun. We got to get dirty, see millions of rolly pollies, worms, a snail, and even a snake slithering through the clover. Cole got to help plant, dig, and sweep. While pulling weeds in the back, he sighed and said, "I'm not as young as I used to be." My mom and I died laughing.

After cleaning up we went to the Easter Egg Hunt at the YMCA. It was the first event I have ever been too that everything was FREE. Free games for the kids, free petting zoo, free face painting, free food. Free fun!

Glad I don't have a pair

Of testicles that is. Then all that testosterone would be shooting around my brain clouding my better judgement.

Tonight Cole had his second T-ball game. The opposing team's coaches must have thought this was the World Series. First they had 7 coaches. They were so hard on those kids, makes me glad Cole wasn't on that team. When one of their players hit a line drive towards our pitcher and it almost nailed him in the head they CHEERED! So far in our games and scrimmages when a ball is dropped or not caught during play (which is most of the time)the other teams are conservative in scoring runs. Not this team. They would yell for their runners to keep running. There was even an argument among the coaches. The rules state that the coach yells "Pitcher pitch (he pretends to throw)Batter bat". This allows the players in the field to be ready for the ball. Their team didn't do this. When our coach asked that they do this, because he was afraid our players wouldn't be ready and get hurt, all 7 coaches came out to confront him. It was like a grade school pissing contest. The last inning the other team's coach would sarcastically yell "batter bat". I felt so uneasy the entire time I was there. At least our kids had fun, although the few kids on the team that are good were goofballs tonight and Cole got hurt. He was the last batter of the night and he hit the ball and was running towards first. The first baseman dove for the ball that was thrown to him and sidelined Cole in the process. He fell face first into the dirt, his batting helmet fell off and fell in front of him so he hit his nose on it, luckily it didn't bleed.

The mother of one of the boys on our team is a real doozie. She has bright brassy bleach blond hair with the weird underlayer that is dark brown (I just don't get that look). Model skinny with HUGE silicon breasts and a fake tan. She was wearing a strapless mini-dress with stiletto animal print shoes. Great baseball outfit. Of course she pulled up in a Lexus SUV. Turned a few heads that one, but I suppose that was the point.

Hope the next game is better and not coached by a bunch of apes.

Gone Fishing

I want to take Cole fishing. He has been dying to go. I don't know anything about fishing. So I wrote to the columnist Jane Greig, in the Austin American Statesman. She has a question and answer column. If she likes your question, she will post it in the paper. I emailed her to ask about fishing help in the Austin area and she responded to my question and printed it in the paper last week. Today her associate emailed me and said they have had an overwhelming response to my question. People have been contacting them about giving us fishing poles, advice, etc. One gentleman even has multiple stock tanks on his property and said we can fish there and he will teach us about fishing for free. They emailed me his contact information. Now my mom always told me not to talk to strangers so I'm not positive I'm going to contact him (although Leah said she'd go with us). But anyway...hopefully we will be fishing in the near future.


**BTW I don't think it is a mere fluke that Marky Mark and me (okay my question) appeared on the front page together. Must be fate.

Confessions

I had been keeping a secret from my mom. Nothing momentous, but a secret nonetheless. Leah and I had decided last month to compete in the Danksin triathlon with Vetmommy. Vetmommy is in awesome shape, Leah and I have some work to do.

Leah and I registered last week. This week while review the Danskin website I noticed a link for the Austin training. I looked at the link, but was hesitant to spend the additional money for training. I logged off my computer and went to bed. I kept thinking about the website. Around midnight I decided I was going to join the training. I figured I was worth it, it's time to take my life back. I logged back on and registered. The first day of training is April 11, Cole' birthday...I thought this was a great sign. This will now be my "birth day" too!

Today Leah and Vetmommy and I went to the Veloway to ride bikes, we did 9 miles. Jerry Leah's hubby came along to watch the kiddos. The first two loops, Jerry watched Anna and Cole while Vetmommy pulled Colin in the trailer. The last loop he watched Colin and Vetmommy pulled Anna and Cole! We had fun and I've become much more comfortable on the bike. This evening Cole and I went to buy him a "big boy bike" so he's ready to go back out there right now!

So to my already hectic schedule I'm adding getting in shape, but I'm ready for the challenge!

The power of words

Last night was Cole’s first T-ball game. It was a hellacious day at work. I had to leave at 5:00pm because he had to be on the field at 5:30pm. I thought there was no way I was going to be able to get out of there on time. I left about 10 minutes late, feeling like shit because I was leaving chaos and couldn’t stay to help and because I was leaving late, getting my son to his first game late. I rushed to daycare picked Cole up and shuttled him into the car. Since I knew we would be rushed I had packed a banana and a pop tart for him to eat on the way. As I praying for green lights and rushing to the game, I handed him his snacks. He says, “WOW, mom you always remember to take care of me. Thank you so much for the snacks and for the favors you do for me. I love you.” My heart melted. Gone immediately was the sense of panic and frustration.

We arrived late to the game. I hurriedly got Cole dressed. His coach was SO happy to see him because he thought they were going to have to forfeit the game because they were short one player. The game was great. Cole played catcher, shortstop (he did well, actually stopped the ball and threw it), and played center field. While playing shortstop a runner collided with him and he tumbled to the ground, got back up and was ready to play. He hit three base hits and scored three runs. He cracked us up when he was running; he looks like he ran in slow mo. He had such a good time.

Then last night during his bath he looked up at me and said, “Mom when am I going to have a brother? If I had a brother, I would hug him EVERY day.” I reminded him that you needed a mommy and a daddy to have a baby and he sighed and said, “Okay I’m going to find you a husband then.” So sweet, not going to happen but sweet anyway. When I’m rich from teaching – HA I’ll adopt a brother for him :-)

This morning as I was getting ready to leave for work, he lifted his head from bed and said, “Come give me a hug, I’m going to miss you.” After the hug he said, “I’ll walk you to the door.” My little grown up man. As I left he had snuggled into my mom’s lap, it was a wonderful vision to start my day.

Short attention span

Cole's first T-ball game is Friday. He was excited about his new uniform and his hat with "Cole" on the back of it, so excited in fact he wants to wear them both to school tomorrow. The game should be interesting. He hasn't had many practices due to the weather and they ones he has had have gone something like this.
Step 1: Pull the slightly oversized baseball hat down over your eyes
Step 2: Play in dirt
Step 3: Pick grass
Step 4: Throw dirt (at someone or yourself)
Step 5: Throw grass (see above)
Step 6: Draw crop circles in the dirt
Step 7: Put glove on the ground
Step 8: Put glove on your head
Step 9: While teammates are batting and you are in the infield do any of steps individually, in any order, or all at once
Step 10: Pout when ball comes your way (and miraculously you are not beamed by it) and you miss it because you were not paying attention.

There is only 1 coach for all these boys and very little one on one attention. We rarely even have another dad to help, since most of the moms take the kids to practice. Although I'm the only single parent. The coach, while nice enough, is the type of man that would never consider a mom might be able to help out. Most of the practice, I'm calling Cole's name telling him to stand up, stop playing in the dirt, etc. When he is in the outfield I really don't care, I just don't want him hurt when he is up close. Despite all this Cole really has a great time. He loves running the bases and hitting.

I know from research and my education classes that "experts" don't recommend team sports for children until around 6 or 7 years of age. Which certainly I understand. The range of the kids gross motor skills in t-ball where the kids are from 5-7 is vast. But then you have to consider what the impact of starting sports at 7, not having played before, while other kids have been playing for several years will have on a child. So as long as Cole shows an interest I will let him play. Besides I'm just glad he wants to be out running around instead of sitting home in front of the boob tube.

Yee-haw

Thursday Cole and I spent the day at the Star of Texas Fair and Rodeo. We had a great time. They have a lot of kids activities which Cole enjoyed. He rode a pony, watched a dairy cow being milked, went through the petting zoo, got his picture taken on a plastic bull. He actually competed in the rodeo, too. They had "stick horse" rodeo. You donate a dollar to the FFA scholarship fund and the kids get to enter an event and compete. Cole picked, Broncho riding. They announce the kids name, age, and city on the microphone and say a "fun fact" about each kid and then the event begins. Cole won second place and all partcipates got a ribbon and rounds of applause. We walked around and looked at the various animals for show. Cole LOVES horses and he made us walk down row afer row of horses until we had seen them all.

For lunch we shared typical "fair" food of a corn dog, fries and a lemonade, and enjoyed compliminatory ice cream cones from Borden Farms.

Then we headed over to the amusement park. We purchsed "half-day" wrist bands for $15/each which I thought was pretty reasonable since most rides were at least 3 tickets (1 ticket is 1 dollar). Our first ride was the ferris wheel, which is Cole's favorite because you can "see all of the town". We rode two roller coasters (the one's Cole is tall enought to ride on) and one ride that spins you forwards and backwards, very fast which Cole also loved. We went throught the two "fun" houses at least 4 times. They also have a "super slide" that you have to ride down on a potato sack. I don't like this ride, but Cole loves it. He isn't tall enough for that ride yet either so he has to ride on my lap. So heart beating eratically I gamely climbed the steps to the top and risked my life (okay maybe just my pride)by trying to hold onto Cole while hurtling toward the ground on a potato sack. We survived.

The rodeo was a great way to spend a day. I was glad to see that Cole was afraid of any ride and loved them all. I can't wait until May when we go to Disney World!

Spoke too soon

I spoke too soon about PepBoys and my car. When I posted on Sunday they had promised me that my car would be ready the same day. Around 5:00pm I contacted them and was told they didn't think it would be done by closing at 6:00pm WHAT? So I called back around 5:45 pm and they said there would be no way it would be finished. The mechanic was going to finish it that night but it probably would not be finished until after 7:00 pm and they would be closed. Great. So my mom had the privilege of taking Cole to daycare and then dropping me off at work before 7:00am and getting herself to work.

That morning, I called PepBoys and asked if they would do an oil change since my car was still there, they said no problem. Leah was going to take me to get my car after her shift ended at 2:00 pm. Around noon the manager called and said, "Can you walk me through everything we did on your car?. We changed to brakes and rotors, did an
oil change, and you called back to have us replace two tires, right?" No, I DID NOT call back to have two tires replaced, my tires are only a year old. He explained there must have been some confusion but I wouldn't be charged for the tires. I said that in addition to the tires being semi-new they were expensive tires. My grandmother had bought them for me and she bought the top of the line since I'm on the road so much. I told him that if my tires were better I wanted them back on. He called me back and said, my tires were better and he would get them on and my car would be ready in an hour.

I picked my car up at 2:00pm. On the way back to work I was irritated because my hands were coated in dusty black debris from the mechanics hands on my steering wheel and gear shift. I had to clean my car when I got back to work.

After work I picked Cole up and we headed home. When I pick him up from school, we never have the radio on, because we talk about our day. While talking, I thought I heard a high-pitched squeaking coming from the driver's side tire. We were quiet for a moment and sure enough it was squeaking. It only squeaked when the car was moving. When idling or when applying the brakes the noise when away. When we got home I called PepBoys and they wanted me to bring the car back up. Since it was dinner time I left Cole with my parents and headed back up. I was there before 6:00 pm.

They immediately test drove the car and verified the noise. They had to pull another car out of the bay to work on my car and they lifted it and got to work. As they were spinning the wheel, a shrill squeaking penetrated the lobby. Another customer looked over at me and said, "Geez, glad that's not my car!" Gee thanks, buddy. The mechanic thought maybe the new rotor was slightly warped or uneven so they were going to try and fix it, maybe thirty minutes or so. After grabbing a bite to eat I headed back over and my car was still up on the lift. The mechanic said it was still squeaking, so they decided to start from scratch and "cut a new rotor" Another hour later he said, they were almost done. The tested the tire several times while on the lift and no squeaking. So they lowered the car and took it for a test drive. The mechanic looked at me and smiled reassuringly and said you're almost out of here. A few minutes later here comes my car, back into the bay and up onto the lift. Off comes the tire, work stops on all the cars and there are now five mechanics looking over and under my car, wheels spin, brakes applied, wheels spin, brakes applied, SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! After another 45 minutes the mechanic came out with a grave look on his face. He explained in mechanic talk which I nodded like I understood that my Taurus is built different than any car he has seen before. The bottom line is that he thinks an "undercarriage engine mount" that is connected somehow to the rotor/tire is broken and in the short test drive this had caused the second brand new rotor to warp an 1/8". He explained that a "master mechanic" would have to look at the car the next day and they would have to call the Ford dealership mechanics, etc. He said I could drive the car and he thought "it should be safe" but that I would be continuing to warp the rotor. He would prefer if I left the car again. It was now almost 9:00pm.

I called my parents to try to work out travel arrangements for the next day. Luckily it is Spring Break so I didn't have school, but I had several appointments that were scheduled.

So on my first day of Spring Break I got to wake up at 6:00 am to take my dad to work (several hours earlier than he ever goes) so I could make it to my own doctor appointment. I'm still waiting to hear from the mechanic,not entirely sure that I will get my car even today. Sigh!

This never happens to me

For the past few weeks when I driving at a decent speed and apply my brakes my steering wheel vibrates (like when exiting the Interstate). This weekend it was worse than ever. Every time I've thought about it I just saw dollar signs scrolling through my mind, car repairs are so expensive.

Several years ago I was having some car trouble and broke down. I took that car to Firestone, because it was the closest. The estimate they gave me was outrageous, I paid to have my car towed to the only other place I found open on the weekends which was PepBoys and they said a lot of the things on my original estimate were BS and fixed my car for much less, since then I have always used them.

Last year I had my brake pads replaced there, so I called and they said to bring the car in. I had "goggled" the symptoms my car was having and google said it was usually a warped roter. I took my car into PepBoys this morning and they called to say it was in fact a warped roter on the passenger side. Since my brake replacement was still under warranty to get the roter fixed, to replace the driver's side one too and replace the brake pads it would only be $51. WHAT??? I pay close to that sometimes just for an oil change. YIPEEE! I was so happy. Glad I took it back to them.

Visual Imagery

I had four research papers due this week and I'm tired. In addition to those papers in my American Lit class we could submit a short paper for extra credit. Even though I have a solid A I decided to do the extra credit assignment. Our topic was writing a paper of a paragraph or two that "evoked visual imagery". This was my submission.

Sink or swim

Last year I went through a divorce. When I think back to that long torturous summer as the decision was being made to separate I can only compare it to one thing. To me it was like being immersed under water with unseen hands holding you underneath the surface. At first, you kick and scream fighting with every ounce of your being. The will to survive overpowers everything. Occasionally you break free to the surface and can take a gulp of air, but those unseeing hands push you back under. Then the fear sets in, your limbs grow weak and weary and you fight less and less to get to the surface, you get close to the surface, but not close enough to take a breath. Your chest hurts and limbs begin to grow heavy, but you still kick, but those hands don't let go. The view of the surface grows hazier and hazier as your whole body begins ache and your chest begins to explode. Eventually when you are too weak to struggle those hands let you go. You have two choices, you can give up because you are tired of struggling and sink slowly to the bottom. Or you can look inward and using the tiny amount of strength you have left push to the top. Once there you can float as long as you need to regain your strength and then start to swim, never looking back. I chose to swim.

My professor's response "In a "sea" of over 200 students, your paper was one of the best. Thanks for submitting something so personal, it was a welcome relief from the papers full of "the lush green hills...". Here's my message to you, alway keep swimming."

I got my bonus points! I wish he would have written, "in the words of Dory...just keep swimming, just keep swimming." A Nemo reference that would have been funny. But I'll take his compliment.

Shark Family

Today Cole was drawing. He decided he wanted to draw a family of sharks. He described the sharks to me. "This is the ocean. This small shark is the kid shark, this is the mommy shark, this is the granny shark, and this shark is the meanest it is a papa shark, nobody likes him." Despite being funny because yet again, he was calling Papa mean, it still catches me off-guard that his definition of a family never includes a dad, which is sad for him.

Speaking of the person he never includes, I assume he is back in New York. He was supposed to be working in Houston for 8 weeks. We never heard from him after the visit with his "friend" 5 weeks ago. Not one word. Cole hadn't seen him since May and R was as close as Houston and spent approximately 3 hours total with him over two visits. Way to go DAD!

I need a transporter

It's 2007, shouldn't we all have our own transporting devices and we could zip around town with those. I felt like I spent half my day today in the car in traffic. I left OakHill at 6:20 am, drove to south Austin to daycare, drove to San Marcos for school. Drove from San Marcos back to OakHill to work out. Rushed out of the gym to drive back to south Austin to pick Cole up from daycare and take him to T-ball practice and then home again around 6:45 pm.

I almost skipped the gym because I knew that I would be pressed for time, but the gym is virtually the only thing I do for myself, so I hated to give that up. Besides Thursday is the night I meet with my personal trainer. I was five minutes late for my session, thanks to traffic and I HATE being late.

I'm exhausted and I really don't like the Texas Transportation Department, especially the engineers that designed the new Benwhite/290 Flyover. To get on the dang thing from IH35 you have to sit throughout MANY light changes and have to go down to Congress and sit through even more light changes just to enter 290 and of course you have the people who fly by you in the middle lane and then cut you off at the last moment to enter 290. They are WAY too important to sit in line, like the rest of us poor saps. Okay, enough ranting for tonight.

I'm adding to my heated commuting post.

The other night at dinner my dad was antagonizing Cole and Cole held up his pointer finger and drew two imaginary lines in the air. My dad asked what he was doing and he said "I just X'd you out" and we all laughed. My dad kept picking on him and Cole did it again, but more vigorously and said, "Now I scribbled scrabbled you out." Tonight as Cole was giving his goodnight kisses, my dad asked if he was still "X'd" out and Cole said "No, I erased you." My dad said, "What am I now then." Without missing a beat, Cole hopped down from his chair, shrugged and nonchalantly replied, " Still mean". Out of the mouths of babes!

Carefree

Once the warm weather hits, attendance in my afternoon classes noticeably drops. There is a park on the river that I pass on the way to and from my car every day. Today every surface was covered in scantily clad men and women. The scent of coconut suntan oil was wafting in the breeze. As I was walking by in my "uniform" of jeans and t-shirt I wished for a moment that I was young and carefree. The only concern I would have is if my tan was even or not. Even when I was their age, I was older than my years and never was the type to sit out in the park and soak up the sun. Oh to be young again, never mind, I wouldn't want to go back again anyhow.

Zoo

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It was a beautiful Sunday today! As soon as Cole woke up this morning he wanted to go to the zoo. Since the weather was perfect my mom and I took him. We had a great time. I had given Cole my old camera and he took lots of pictures. These photos are from my new camera!

New Camera

I made a big purchase for myself. With a portion of my tax return I bought myself a new digital camera. My previous camera was old and didn't have many features. Since pretty much any free time I have is spent making memories with Cole, I thought it was a worthwhile expense. I really like my new camera, it takes great pictures and the features aren't too hard for me to figure out. The best part is the USB port so I can download right to my laptop (no more taking the memory card to Target to get a CD made). Here are some pictures of Cole I took tonight in his practice uniform (notice the remnants of his Scarlet Fever around his poor mouth).

Strep Throat part Deuce

Cole is sick again :-(. After swimming lessons on Thursday his cheeks were flushed. When we got home I took his temp and it was 101. It had hit 102.5 by the morning. I had to take him to work with me Friday, which was stressful when I know he really needed to be home resting. We went to the doctor late in the afternoon and sure enough he has strep and an ear infection again. Here we go with the struggling of giving medications again, at least this antibiotic is only once a day. This am when I woke up for work he was covered head to toe in a rash, the ear that had the infection in was swollen and blistered. I called the after-hours clinic and made an appointment. They wanted to see him right away to make sure it wasn't a reaction to the antibiotic. Again I had to work, so I had to write a letter of consent for my mom to take him. The additional diagnosis, Scarlet Fever. Looks like we will be spending a weekend with Scooby Doo and the gang.

A good man in the making

Yesterday was Valentine's Day. My mom had taken Cole shopping for me last weekend. The funny thing is he always wants to buy me jewelry and he knows what he wants to buy me when he sees it. He had kept his secret all week. On the way to school yesterday morning, Cole sleepily said, "I can't wait to get home tonight to give you your Valentimes gift." When I agreed that I couldn't wait to get home to exchange gifts as well, he said "I might have gotten you a necklace, or....I might not have." "If I got you a necklace it might be a circle with a heart....or It might not." "If I got you a necklace with a circle and a heart, don't put it on Tasha or Dozier (the dogs) because it might break". Hmmm....wonder what my gift was :-)

At school they exchanged Valentines, had a party and a Valentine Dance. When I went to pick him up, the ladies could not wait to tell me how much he danced, they said there was some Saturday Night Fever moves and lots of rump shaking (must be all those nights at the Broken Spoke) and they were in stitches the whole time. One of the moms video taped the event and is going to make me a copy.

So this got me thinking....he puts the toilet seat down, puts in clothes in the laundry hamper, is affectionate, buys jewelry for all the right occasions, and loves to dance, seems like he'll be a good man in the making (although R would say he'll be gay, because anytime a man does something thoughtful or respectful to a woman, this was a sign of weakness to him). Anyway...Happy Valentines Day!

Cole is dirty

Tonight after reading the Austin American Statesman my mom and I were talking about the proposed coal plants in Austin. My mom was holding up several pages from the metro section that had ads that said "Coal is dirty" "Coal is dirty". I heard a sharp intake of breath and looked over at COLE who by now had an indigent look on his face and said, "Granny I'm not dirty!" We cracked up. Oops.

Tonight after picking Cole up from school, he found a dandelion. He picked it up and said he was going to make a wish...

I wish for a telescope
I wish to drive a dump truck
I wish for some candy
I wish for me to be mom's boyfriend
I wish for mom to be my Valentime

I'm blogging this stuff, so when Cole hits his teenage years, I can show him how much he loved me :-)

Judgement

We all judge other people. We may not like to admit it but we do. It might be based on their clothes, their car, they way they speak, or the color of their skin but we do judge them.

There is a girl in three of my classes that sits next to me. She is a single parent and lives in Austin. The first ten minutes of the first day of class she wanted my phone number, e-mail address, and wanted to arrange car pooling. I agreed to the first two, but politely declined the last offer. As the days of school have turned into weeks, she has shared more and more of her life (without any prompting on my part - I assure you). Each morning is a monologue of how horrible her weekend or evening was, etc. Her son is 5 and in kindergarten which her mom takes to school everyday. She is divorced and the dad pays child support and has custody every other weekend, which he sticks to religiously (which irritates her, ironically). She has a boyfriend, they haven't been dating long, don't live together and she is pregnant with his kid. To date they haven't discussed any plans for becoming a family. Today she went on and on about her life and I can't help but judge her. I don't want to, but I was. I can't help but compare us. She was complaining about being tired and the girl that sits next to us and also hears the stories, said she didn't know how we go to school and are parents. She takes 8 hours and works part-time and is exhausted. The "monologue girl", said well I'm taking 8 hours and don't work and can barely stand it. She went off in a tirade about how her mom and friends say that she should work so she has some money. The other girl said if you don't work at all, how do you live? She said off child support. She lives in a government assisted housing project, has Medicaid, food stamps and financial aid and now about to have another child. When the other girl asked me how much I work and how many hours I'm taking (full-time and 15 hours) she just exchanged a glance with me over "monologue girl". Later in the morning, when "monologue girl" was complaining again about not having any money, the other girl asked why doesn't she move in with her mom, stating it would be easier on her to have some support and her mom who is shuttling the kid back and forth. She went on another tirade about how she tried living at home and would get into huge fights with her mom, because her mom didn't like how she disciplined her kid. When the other girl asked, what you mean she said "you know like if I spank or slap at him." When she saw us again exchanging glances, she turned to me and said, "What you don't spank your son?" giving me an incredulous look. I said, "No, I never have." She said, "Never? You mean you have never once whacked his hand with a brush to get his attention or spanked his bottom?" Again, "No". Before anymore 'sharing' could begin we were saved by the start of our last morning class together. So, yes I do judge her, I admit it. I'm sure I will the rest of the semester, since we have damn assigned seats.

In sickness and in health

There is nothing worse than having a sick kid. When you are used to them running at full tilt, seeing them weak and febrile is heartbreaking. Cole spent a few hours with his dad yesterday (and Carla his "friend"). When he got home he seemed out of sorts. I wasn't sure if he was tired or upset and he didn't say...he just didn't seem himself. Shortly after he got home we had to leave for hockey, at first he said he didn't want to go then he said he did and seemed excited. As soon as we got to the hockey rink he had a huge meltdown which was completely out of character. He cried about going to practice and when I said he didn't have to he cried about that as well. After he started hysterically crying in the parking lot I made the decision for him. He calmed down in the car and we had previous plans to visit "Obo" at his new restaurant http://www.texaslandandcattle.com. At dinner Cole didn't want to eat and quickly fell asleep in my lap, by the end of dinner his face was flushed with fever. We came home and I gave him some motrin. He coughed most of the night and around midnight coughed and threw up all over me and the bed. This morning his fever was up to 102. I had to call into work which I never do and we made a doctors appointment. It seems my little Colebug has strep, and ear infection and a cough. His throat looked horrible and I know how I awful I felt a few weeks ago when I had strep, so I can only imagine how he feels. We spent the day at home cuddled together watching movies. His fever stays down as long as I give the Motrin every 6 hours. Hopefully, he will feel better tomorrow after the antibiotics have 24 hours to do their magic.

File this under "U"

"U" for unbelievable or "U" gotta be sh*ting me!!! Tonight we were all at Home Depot and while I was watching Cole pretend to drive the tractors my phone rings and "Loser" displays on the screen (I know...I know...I'm so mature...hey it was N2 (as in N squared) for a while for numbnuts)...ANYWAY! I answered and R asked if I was at home. When I said no, he said that he was on his way into Austin and wanted me to do an Internet search for hotels for the night. I thought this was a little bit weird because two weekends ago he stayed with a friend, but whatever. He then asked what our plans where for tomorrow. When I replied, he said he wanted to have Cole for several hours because he brought a "friend" with him that he REALLY wanted Cole to meet. The nerve. Wanting me to research a hotel for him and his "friend". Some people have no clue..as he has proved time and time again.

Under normal circumstances I think single parents should be EXTREMELY cautious about introducing someone they are dating to their children. Children form attachments very easily and when those relationships fail, it is another loss felt by the child. Obviously, these aren't normal circumstances, Cole really doesn't even have a bond with his dad and so far a visit from him and the subsequent parting doesn't appear to have much of an impact at all. So if R calls tomorrow I will let Cole go and meet the "friend". Who knows how long this renewed lackadaisical interest will last in Cole, so we should just make the best of the situation.

I find it hard to believe that R has changed his core person and learned from his prior relationship mistakes. He was dating before we were even divorced...actually he was going out and trying to date while we were still living in the same house...and was even involved in a short relationship before he moved, so I knew he would be moving on.

As for me....I'm still NO WHERE near being ready for anything or anyone else. I still don't know if I ever will be. Luckily for me, I have all the love I need from Cole!

Ice pictures

Here are the pictures from "Ice Storm '07" ! We didn't get much snow, but there was enough to build a 6" Central Texas Snowman on the snow that accumulated on Cole's rock wall. Cole's slide was covered in about 2" of ice and he really enjoyed sliding down it...it would launch him out about 2'.


Here is "Popsicle" that we broke off of the roof. Over and over I got to lift Cole up to break off icicles. He thought most of them looked like carrots. He would then take the icicles and break them on the trees, sidewalk, or watch them shatter in the street. Such a boy!





This is my favorite photo. The look on face was priceless. He made snow angels in the driveway (not enough snow on the grass). I don't know how he even knows how to make a snow angel...must be something he's seen on TV.

The Ice Day was bad for business in Austin but it was sure a great time for kids and parents alike!

Do babies have eyes?

"Mommy, do babies have eyes?" Yes, of course Cole. You have seen your baby pictures and you had eyes. "No, mom (said in that you are so dense mom tone) I mean in their mommies tummies" Yes, buddy babies eyes start to develop in their mom's tummy. "When I was in your tummy I couldn't see anything (long pause) Oh! I know! (said with excitement) it's because you didn't have a light switch in your tummy and it was too dark to see!"

Why I love you

Due to "Ice Storm '07" (gotta love the catch phrases used by the media) Cole and I got to spend some relaxing down time together. Yesterday we were home all day and it actually SNOWED! We played outside for hours and even made a six inch snowman (I'll post pictures later). When we were snuggling to warm up afterwards, I hugged Cole and said, "Why do I love you so much?" He smiled and said, "I know why I love you." When I asked why, this was his reply, "Because you lift 'heby' things for me, you open drinks for me, you give me money for the snack machine at school, you do good things for me, you always give me kisses, help me do my data, help me make my chocolate milk, help me go potty and you love me...that's it!" He always has great answers. Earlier when I asked him why almost every night he ends up in my bed at some point, he said "because you have a magnet in your body and it makes me go to you." I cracked up. Ooooh!! I never knew I had magnetism before!

Visit with Dad

Cole's dad is working in Houston for 8 weeks. He came to Austin this past weekend. We spoke to him on Friday and he was going to spend Saturday with Cole and was going to call first thing in the morning to make plans. He didn't call until after 12:00 which I find so frustrating since he hasn't seen Cole since May. It was pouring down rain and half the town was seeing some flooding, so plans were limited. My mom and I had decided to take Cole to a movie (since we hadn't heard from him) so I suggested he take him. He agreed and we met at the mall. I had been talking to Cole about seeing his dad so he was excited and went running towards him as soon as he saw him. Both my mom and I got teary eyed. The exchanged a long hung and I handed him the car seat and sent them on their way. They went to a movie and my mom and I went to another. Cole's dad wanted to go to the bookstore afterwards so he took Cole. After our movie was over I called him and he needed to bring Cole back to me because he had dinner plans. We met up again and he said that he wanted to come watch Cole play hockey on Sunday. I said that he was welcome to have Cole on Sunday before hockey if he wanted to spend some more time with him. He crumpled up his face, like I had just spit into his coffee and then offered him a drink. Ummm, okay guess not. We didn't hear from him until about 15 minutes before hockey started on Sunday. He was late because he went to the wrong hockey rink, but did make it. So I peacefully sat next to him throughout the practice and made small talk (I'm grimacing as I type this). Cole did seem to enjoy seeing him and hopefully he'll come visit him a few more times. All I ever wanted is for them to have a relationship, so baby steps are better than none at all.

At the Y-M-C-A

As I mentioned in a previous post Cole and I joined the YMCA. We have really enjoyed it thus far. The sound of the racquetball reverberating off the wall, the squeak of the tennis shoes on the basketball court, and sweating old men (which when I was a kid were probably mid-twenties, early thirties), feel like home to me. Growing up my dad ran the Air Force base gym. As kids, my brother and I spent our summer "vacations" at work with him. We would get up before the sun came up and spent the entire day there. We would play tennis, basketball, racquetball, run the track and swim all day....it was a kids paradise.

The YMCA reminds me so much of that time. Except now the sweating old men are in their late 40's, 50's and even older. Not a "meatheads" or "barbies" in sight. It is so kid friendly. Cole and I have been going almost nightly (not Sunday's gotta rest some time). They have a great mini-gym that Cole can play in why I get my work-out done and every night afterwards we do something together, hula-hoop, basketball, or most often chase each other around the track.

I signed up for five personal training sessions. My personal trainer is Seymore, he's middle-aged, very tall and sinewy and quite dorky actually. He has a very calm and mild manner. We had our first sessions tonight. I thought I was going to die. I haven't worked that hard in years. I was mentally cussing Seymore and myself for getting this way in the first place (ahhh what depression and stress can do to you). I was sweating like a pig (do pigs sweat?) , gallons and gallons of sweat. About halfway through the hour long training session, I asked Seymore if he was trying to kill me, I reminded him that it took me years to get my body this way and we didn't have to try to completely change it in one night, he cracked up.....I wasn't kidding! I'm sore in places I never knew existed. Afterwards we had a great stretching sessions and I was so sore and dying I didn't even care that he was touching my legs (to help me stretch).

After my suicide training session, Cole and I did "Mommy and me" Yoga. Seymore is also the instructor (his mild manner is great with the kids). It was so much fun. There were about 15 people in the class and Cole and I both had a wonderful time...even though every move caused me intense agony. Anyway...over two hours after arriving we went home and I took a scalding hot shower, took some Tylenol and said a prayer that I will be able to walk tomorrow.

Dreams

This morning Cole said he had two dreams last night. When I asked him what they were about he said "shotting" (pronounced shot - ing) and "being naked". Interesting combination. He said in his "shotting dream some T-rexs were trying to get his class and he was shooting at them." The "naked" dream he was "naked on my shoulders"....HMMMM, I didn't ask any further questions about that one. Wonder what Freud would have to say about those dreams?

Happy New Year

Happy New Year 2007! Well I've officially been blogging for a year now. It's been a great stress relief and I've enjoyed going back to review some of my posts to recap my year. I know 2007 is going to be a better year for me. I've finally got some money in savings and I'm about to start school full-time. My grandma gave me some money to join a gym one of my Christmas gifts so Cole and I joined the YMCA and I'm excited about getting active again. I finally feel better emotionally, mentally, etc. I'm ready to get my life back on tract.

I think today was a great start for the New Year. It was sunny and beautiful. Cole and I walked to this great park that is about 3/4 of a mile from my mom's house. We had a picnic lunch, played on the playground, hiked for about an hour on the trails, sat on a little bridge listening and watching the running stream (it was really flowing thanks to the recent rains). There is nothing more relaxing than the sound of running water. It was a wonderful day and I'm ready to face the new year.

Date Night

I went on a date tonight. I put on my high-heeled boots, slipped on a new shirt, checked out my new haircut and makeup in the mirror as I was applying the lip gloss and I was ready to go. My date looked great. He had brown hair that glinted with copper in the sunlight, perfect skin, and luminescent brown eyes and smelled great. I let him choose what we were going to do. He chose dinner and bowling. We went to Willie's Roadhouse for dinner, I did think it was a little weird that he wanted to sit on my lap halfway through dinner! Ha, Ha I make myself laugh. Of course my date was Cole.

My parents were going to a concert tonight so Cole and I had planned a "date night" of our own. As soon as we woke up this morning that was all he could talk about. It was fun getting ready to "go out" with Cole and we truly had a great time. After dinner we did go bowling and he actually won two out of the three games (with the help of bumper guards of course)! It was a great way to spend a weekend night. I think we should start a tradition of a "date night" at least once a month. It would be a fun tradition and a great thing to do together especially once he's a little older and hanging with mom, won't be his first choice!

Single parenting

How can you spot a boy being raised by a single mom? When that boy is given a "pretend" shaving kit for Christmas. Hops into the bath to play with his kit. Lathers up his LEGS and starts shaving away. LOL. I was laughing so hard. Don't worry though, this mom showed him how to lather up his face and shave like a man! There are some things I will not be able to show him, you know like how to pee in an urinal! There are some things he will have to learn on his own.

Christmas recap

We had a great Christmas yesterday! It's so much fun with a kiddo around. Cole woke up around 7:00am and literally flew out of bed when he remembered it was Christmas morning. My brother was sleeping in the living room, so he would be ready for all the excitement. Cole jumped up and down with glee when he saw all the gifts Santa brought him. He wanted a barn and some animals, which he got. He also got a Pirate tent/boat. When we were putting the boat together the night before (Santa has got to have a little help) both my brother and dad kept asking what the heck would he do with that. I said play and use his imagination....men! Cole loved the tent. He had a great time opening all his gifts. The rest of the day was spent opening toys (who the HELL decided to secure all those toys with those irritating wire twist ties and worse securing toys into the boxes with the tinniest screws known to mankind?) and putting in batteries (I bought $30 worth of batteries). Cole's dad came through for Christmas. He got him several toys and a hockey jersey with his name on the back, it was great to have some presents under the tree from him. Cole also got a Leapfrog game system. I'm not the video game kind of parent, but I don't mind learning/education games. We had fun playing a few yesterday. He also got four gifts from Leah, yes FOUR! He sure was spoiled rotten this year!

Today we went to Lowes to get more shelving for Cole's room and spent the day cleaning/organizing all of his things. The rest of the week we plan on just relaxing and taking it easy. Especially since, I'm sick now too, YIPEE!

Christmas recap

We had a great Christmas yesterday! It's so much fun with a kiddo around. Cole woke up around 7:00am and literally flew out of bed when he remembered it was Christmas morning. My brother was sleeping in the living room, so he would be ready for all the excitement. Cole jumped up and down with glee when he saw all the gifts Santa brought him. He wanted a barn and some animals, which he got. He also got a Pirate tent/boat. When we were putting the boat together the night before (Santa has got to have a little help) both my brother and dad kept asking what the heck would he do with that. I said play and use his imagination....men! Cole loved the tent. He had a great time opening all his gifts. The rest of the day was spent opening toys (who the HELL decided to secure all those toys with those irritating wire twist ties and worse securing toys into the boxes with the tinniest screws known to mankind?) and putting in batteries (I bought $30 worth of batteries). Cole's dad came through for Christmas. He got him several toys and a hockey jersey with his name on the back, it was great to have some presents under the tree from him. Cole also got a Leapfrog game system. I'm not the video game kind of parent, but I don't mind learning/education games. We had fun playing a few yesterday. He also got four gifts from Leah, yes FOUR! He sure was spoiled rotten this year!

Today we went to Lowes to get more shelving for Cole's room and spent the day cleaning/organizing all of his things. The rest of the week we plan on just relaxing and taking it easy. Especially since, I'm sick now too, YIPEE!

I'd rather pill a cat

Most people who have tried to medicate a cat know sometimes it's extremely difficult. I'd still rather medicate a cat than a four-year-old. After Cole's visit to the doctor on Thursday he was already on two medications (a steroid and cough medicine). His doctor had also given me a script for an antibiotic in case he developed a fever (since we were going into a long Holiday weekend).

Saturday we went to see "Happy Feet" at the Imax. During the movie he snuggled into my lap and I could feel the heat radiating off his little body. When the movie was over, he cheeks were candy apple red. So now in addition to his previous two medication, we have now added Motrin and an antibiotic. It's been a twice a day battle. I have to chase him down, bargain, reason, beg, threaten to get him to take the medicine. He doesn't mind the taste of the Motrin or the Antibiotic (it's just a lot) but it still takes some convincing to get those down. The other two he hates and it's a struggle. I only wish I could wrap him in a towel and wait for the "hiss" to shoot the pill down. That would be great!

He's feeling better today. We made cookies for Santa and are eagerly awaiting his arrival tonight!

Waterworks

Yesterday was Cole's Christmas Program at school. His Pre-K teacher had the developed skits to several Christmas songs where the kids sang and danced and the parents were invited to go watch. The kids were so excited that morning. I slipped out of work and both of my parent's came to watch the program. Cole was in the first "act" he had to be dressed in jeans, a t-shirt, and a baseball hat. They sang "I'm getting nothing for Christmas!" He was so cute. He then had to change into a white dress shirt, black pants and a black tie for the rest of the program. They sang several other songs. Whenever I watch him do things like that I always cry, I'm so lame. I will cry watching other cute things, not even just my own kid. Afterwards I had to head back to work, Cole was so upset he couldn't go with me.

Work has been crazy this week. With the holidays everyone has been on edge. I was ready for the week to be over by about 10:00am on Monday morning! URRGGGGHHHH! That's all I can say. At point the week I stepped out into the rain just the get away before I exploded (that would make a mess)! Anyway, I'm off all next week. Daycare is closed Monday and Tuesday, but I took the whole week for a mental health break.

Oh, I have a rant from yesterday, as well. I took Cole to the doctor yesterday because he has had a nasty cough for about 10 days that is getting worse. I had dropped off his prescription and went back to pick them up after dinner. There was this ignorant LOUD redneck cell phone talker guy in line behind me. In his country drawl he loudly was talking about "I got a CAAULL today from JD's school. He got in trouble for actin' out on de bus. I'm gonna WHOOP his ASS when I get home. I will just hit 'em where it won't leave a mark!" Even if he was kidding, which I'm not sure he was, why would he think everyone would want to hear this? He went on to complain that his "damn child support" was on his credit report and said if whoever was waiting in his truck for him left the store(because the lines were so long) he was going to call the "PULLL-LEEESE". I've heard way too much of people's personal information on cell phones these days!

Father Time

My grandparents are in town and we just finished our early Christmas gift exchange. Cole had a wonderful time, watching his face light up at each and every gift is truly what the spirit of the holidays are to me. Clothes, toys it doesn't matter he is truly delighted with every package. With each passing year he has become more excited and awed by Christmas, this is the first year he has really had the most understanding of Santa and had the most anticipation.

Sadly, with each passing year we've had to watch my grandfather appear more isolated and frail. He has Alzheimers, it's a word never once uttered by my grandmother. My grandfather has always been a slight built man, but the last several years he has become gaunt. He literally is skin and bones, he cheek bones are prominent leaving his face looking hallow. His once sparkling cornflower blue eyes most times appear vacant. He still has moments of spark and whit but mostly just sleeps or stares off into space. He still knows who we are, but has virtually withdrawn from all conversation. When he asks a question, he asks it repeatedly which we all answer with patience.

My grandfather has always been special to me. In fact his name is Robert which is Cole's middle name, that's how much he has meant to me. He is a remarkable man. He came from an extremely poor family with alcoholic abusive parents, spent time in an orphanage. He was a very hard worker, very intelligent and quick witted especially for someone who didn't have a lot of opportunities in life. He was amazingly artistic. He could draw, paint, and carve wonderful things out of a block of wood. Most of my most cherished memories involve sitting around watching him whittle, the wood chips flying, and watching in amazement as a character or animal appeared out of that block. He hasn't really carved in years.

The passage of time has been hard to watch. He has smoked since his teens and has emphysema, most of the time he doesn't remember to smoke now, except for when my grandma reminds him to so he can get some exercise????? His lungs wrattle even while resting and the slightest physical activity causes his chest to rise and fall in an alarming rate. The scariest thing to me is that he still drives. I am so scared that he will either be in a wreck or accidentally kill or injure someone else. I'm sure the thought of someone who had once been so strong is hard for my grandmother to face. My mom repeatedly asked my grandmother to ask his doctor about driving. When she finally did he asked my grandmother about his driving and she admitted that he doesn't know where to turn or gets lost (they have lived in the same house since my mom was a young child) but she said she tells him when to turn and he does so. So the doctor said, sounds like he is okay to drive to me! WHAT???? Besides her telling is usually yelling and if he is in the left lane and she yells to turn right, he will immediately turn the wheel right and go across the lanes of traffic. I know an elderly person losing their driving rights is a touchy subject and can be very demoralizing, but there has to be a line drawn somewhere. I really think my grandparents should really be referred to a geriatric specialist to get better information and advice.

I know time brings a lot of wonderful things into our lives, but it also brings a lot of sadness. Meanwhile I will hold onto my wonderful memories of my grandpa to pass onto Cole.

I'M FINISHED....I'M FINISHED

Well at least for a month. Tonight was my last final (actually a presentation complete with 25 lessons plans and a visual aid). A month off, AAHHH! I don't even want to begin to think of next semester with full-time work and school...I feel the anxiety coming back...baby steps, baby steps.

While I was walking to my class tonight I had to smile. There were two guys walking next to me and one was saying to the other "If I hate my job when I graduate in May what a colossal waste of a decade this will be!" I smiled for several reasons 1) YIPEE I'm not the only fool that is taking forever to go to school and yes I'm 31 and this will be the first time in my entire life I've been able to go to school full-time, anyway. 2) I may be doing the school think back-asswards by going when I'm ANCIENT, but I'm very confident in what I want to do aftewards. Matter of fact, that is what gets me through the dark days of work when I want to run screaming or put pins in my whining employee of the day voodoo doll (for those of you at work that covertly read blog but don't admit it, I do love you, but you sure can cause some gray hair) . Give me a whining child over a whiney adult any day.

So I will enjoy the next month and be thankful I don't have to leave work in a rush, drive to San Marcos in a rush, and drive back to pick up Cole in a rush, drive home do my homework, help with Cole's etc. I hope December DRAGS by :-)

Two things I learned from Cole tonight

1. The cameras in his daycare class that I had previously thought transmitted to the front monitor actually go directly to the North Pole! Which brings me to the second thing...
2. I always thought the lyrics to "Santa Clause Is Coming to Town were "He knows if you've been bad or good So be good for goodness sake"...but Cole was singing it tonight and he sings "He knows if you've been bad or good so be good for good mistake!" I laughed so hard and when I tried to tell him the real words he corrected me, so good mistake it is!

Anyway, I guess that's how Santa knows everything with those cameras planted everywhere. Talk about Big Brother watching you!

Hide-n-seek

A few nights ago Cole was playing hide-n-seek in the house with my dad. For those of you who don't know my dad, this was a momentous occasion. My dad spends each and every evening sitting in his recliner watching TV. He often plays with Cole but from the comfort of his chair. To see him up and playing and actually hiding was so cool. He had hid in their closet and I helped Cole find him. When he jumped out of the dark closet Cole squealed with fear and glee. Then my mom and I were invited to play. Here were Cole's instructions to us "You girls go count to twenty while Papa and I hide in the closet." In the closet? Hope we can find you. Laughing we went and counted to twenty and then pretended to look for them through out the house calling their name. My dad said whenever he would hear us he would start giggling his whole body shaking with the anticipation of being found. Being the best "seekers" in the whole world we did eventually find them. Imagine our surprise when they were hiding in the closet!!!!!

A quick pee note for Vetmommy http://www.vetmommy.blogspot.com:

When Cole and I watch TV in the "basement" (AKA the laundry room) he often will go outside to pee vs. trying to get past the dog to go to the bathroom on the other side of the house. Tonight he needed to go, but it was too cold. I looked over just in time to see tiny clenched white butt cheeks and one hand holding up the flap of the doggie door. He was going to pee through the door because it's "too cold" to go outside. Thank goodness I caught him because I'm sure that would have been one heck of a mess. FYI he still decided to step outside and pee and brave the cold. He said it was "so cold his tee almost decided to go away." Gotta love those boys!!!

Cat-er-cise

I have a fat cat named Bandit. He is seven years old and weighs 18 pounds. He has had a very rough time since we moved in with my parents. He has never really liked dogs, when he had our dog Bullet, they tolerated each other and lived peacefully because they generally ignored each other.

Since we have moved he stays exclusively in one corner of the house. He stays in my room, Cole's room, or the bathroom which are all adjacent to each other at the end of the hallway. The few times he has tried to venture out he has gotten into a fight with my mom's male dog. He has to eat in my room and they dogs even go in there and bother him, so we are constantly trying to put up baby gates, put the food in high locations, etc. He has been so stressed out he was tearing out patches of hair, every day I would come home to a new bald spot. Before we moved he would play with Toad, since we moved Toad has made friends with my mom's cat and spends the majority of the day chasing and playing with her (as well as, sharing her food and litter box). Toad could care less about the dogs and has truly made my parent's house his own...including sleeping with them in bed. Most days Bandit sits at then door to the bathroom where he can see down the hallway and just stares, he looks so mournful. He gets zero exercise. The moment we enter the bedroom he is starved for attention and WILL NOT leave you alone. I feel sorry for him but when you are trying to do homework he is very annoying. He just mops around day after day.

Last night I had washed my sheets and was making the bed. He was like a torpedo diving over, under and through a sea of teal sheets. He was so funny. I haven't seen him move like that in years. We played for a good thirty minutes, he would gently attack my hands and do somersaults under the covers. So now I know if I want him to get any exercise I will just have to change my sheets daily!

The Spirit of Giving

I love to volunteer and give back to others. Despite my own personal melodrama, I'm always aware of how good my life truly is and I am truly thankful for my family and friends. This as been one of the worst years personally for me, but the love and support of my family and friends has brought renewed clarity on what I have to be thankful for.

Today we went to the Chuy's Children Giving to Children Parade where you bring a new gift to donate to Blue Santa. This is the second year we have participated in that. I really want to teach Cole to give to others. He really enjoys picking out a gift to give and donating it.

There are so many charities and organizations and so little time to choose what to do and for whom. I also really want to support our troops. My mom and I donated some tolietries for care packages, but I wanted to do more. I found a website www.troopcarepackage.com that will assign you a soldier(s) to support directly. I asked for two. I've been assigned two troops (a male and a female) both stationed in Iraq. You are encouraged to send letters to the troops. I will let Cole help with this project, as well, I know he will enjoy it. I also found a cool website where you can donate money to a charity of your choice (and receive a bracelet), I donated to the Homes For Our Troops that helps provide housing for our severely disabled returning soldiers www.gi-bracelet.org. I was also sent an e-mail from one of our vendors at work to a cool website www.letssaythanks.com where you can send a postcard to troops stationed overseas.

So this holiday season, look beyond yourself. Giving to others is truly the gift that keeps on giving.

Dance Fever

After a hectic day at work yesterday one of the girls suggested that we go to the Broken Spoke www.brokenspokeaustintx.com last night, since we didn't have to work today. I decided to go because I had been wanting to take Cole.

Cole was so excited. He picked out his "cowboy shirt" and put on his new cowboy boots and even asked his Granny for some of Papa's cologne. He was the best looking, smelling, and sweetest date I've had in years. As soon as we got there he hit the dance floor, I don't think we sat out one song. He would point at me and say "Let's go dance." He even danced with all the ladies from our table. Towards the end only me and one of the other girls (Amy) were his partners of choice. We all three had to dance together several times. He wanted to "slow dance" with me once and I held him, with his head on my shoulder as we twirled around the floor. When the band took a ten minute break he crawled up onto my lap and went fast asleep. I had a great time and will definitely have to take my "date" out dancing again soon. I know he'll want to go again because the very first sleepy words out of his mouth this morning were "Can we go to the dance place again today?"

Happy Thanksgiving!

There is a first time for everything.

First time I've blogged twice in one day and the first time I've put pictures in my blog. Yeah for me! Here are some pictures of Cole in his hockey gear and on the ice. The first picture he is the little weeble-wobble in the front of the line. He shoots, he scores! He did actually make a "goal" (actually shooting at a goalie stationed between two oranges cones).

Parents Behaving Badly

Everyone has seen those video clips of dads coming to blows at pee-wee sports event. Last night I almost got to witness the mom version. I took Cole to go see http://www.happyfeetmovie.com. We went to a 7:00 pm show and it was very crowded. Apparently a mom that was there with a teenaged son and 6 or 7 little kids had arrived early and saved enough seats for their entire group. They had laid jackets on all the chairs and asked a woman sitting in the adjacent seat to help make sure no one sat there. She went back to the concession stand and came back with all those kids and two trays heaped with snacks and drinks to find their jackets on the floor and their seats taken. She started yelling at the woman for not saving her the seats and other lady started yelling back insults and the word "bitch" were screamed back and forth. All this at a kids movies, jeez. Finally the woman with the troop of kids and mountains of food, stormed off and the only seats they could find together were in the second row. Both people were at fault, but I couldn't believe how they acted. I was a good six or so rows back and could hear every insult being traded. Wow!

On the plus side, other than the fact the theatre was hotter than Hades, both Cole and I enjoyed the movie. They had great songs and wonderfully detailed characters and background, the modern of modern computer animation. We always sit on the end of a back row and Cole spent a good portion of the movie up dancing. So if you are looking for a good way to entertain the kiddos for a few hours, go see Happy Feet. Hopefully, you won't have to see a "pre-show" fight.

When we die

Tonight at dinner I was telling my mom about a doctor's mom at work that is gravely ill and probably will pass away before the end of the week. Cole piped up and said, "Why is Dr. _____, going to die?" I said it wasn't him it was his mom and she was very old and sick. I said people eventually get old and then they die. He looked right at my mom and said, "Granny is very old". We cracked up. Then he said, "when she dies we will bury her and then the sharks will eat her." Guess, we are having an at sea burial.

The other funny thing was when doing his homework tonight he zoned out. I called his name and he said, "Cole has left the building." Ah, he makes me laugh.

Sunday we took pictures at Zilker Botanical Gardens. Take a peek and give me your opinion, I HATE making decisions.

http:www.paigmorrisonphotography.com/KareenLittleFeather.html

WHOOOOHOOO!

Today the first wage garnishment for child support hit my account! It wasn't much, only about 40% of what he'll owe me every month, but something is better than nothing. After months and months of struggling, phone calls with the Attorney General, and red-tape there is finally something to show for my effort. He may have emotionally and physically abandoned Cole, but he can't completely financially abandon him (unless he quits working...but only positive thoughts). My plan is to put 100% of it into savings, since I'm living @ home now. It would be so wonderful to have a little padding financially for the first time. So for now, I'm thankful that if you follow the rules the system can help you.

Parenting Advice

It seems like anyone is ready to dish their unsolicited parenting advice at a moment's notice. Now don't get me wrong. I want, need, and appreciate advice. I read many articles, books, websites, have asked advice from my pediatrician, family, friends, teachers, etc. There are some people, however, I just smile and nod as they give me advice. This week a co-worker went off on the fact that Cole is in hockey. She said numerous things, one thing that struck me as the funniest was that I should "just let him watch hockey on TV instead of wasting my money letting him play." Gee thanks, that's great advice, setting him in front of the TV instead of physical activity, I'll take that under consideration. I've had people tell me, "You'll make him gay" because he takes gymnastics/dance at daycare. He will be a "momma's boy" because I'm not married. Now I will be the first to admit that I've made mistakes and will continue to make mistakes along the way. That is how you learn to parent. No one is perfect, but making him a "momma's boy" or "sitting him in front of the TV" is advice I'll choose to ignore. Before I had Cole, I thought I knew how I wanted to parent, but the truth is nothing in life goes as plans. You have to be willing to be creative, flexible, patient, firm yet yielding, loving, and tireless to be a parent, even then the job isn't done.

After all...."Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare" - Ed Asner

The Pillsbury Dough Boy

Today was Cole's first day of actual hockey class. He has been taking hockey/skating lessons since May and today marked the first day of hockey class. We went to get him fitted for all his equipment today. I know NOTHING about hockey, so I was more nervous than Cole, I wasn't sure I'd even be able to get all that gear on him by myself. He's so small and even some of the smallest equipment is slightly too big. He has to wear breezers (hockey pants), a cup (the sight of that tiny jock strap just sent me into a fit of laughter), shin pads (which are too big, he can barely bend his legs), elbow pads, a neck guard, shoulder pads, a practice jersey, a helmet w/ full face shield, a mouth piece, hockey gloves, skates, and a stick...yes someone is silly enough to give my four-year-old a stick. The man fitting the equipment asked if he needed a left or right handed stick, I didn't even know there was a difference. I said Cole was right-handed but he had him hold a stick and said, he needed a left-handed one. Ummm, okay I thought. He cut about 3 feet off a stick, added some athletic tape, threw all the gear in a bag so big, I will need an SUV to haul it around and off we went.

Once it was time for his class it was my turn to try to remember how to put everything on. I swear it took my at least 15 minutes. He looked so funny. Here is thirty-five pound child wearing at least 5 pounds of bulky hockey equipment. He could barely move. Once he was on the ice, he had to re-learn how to stand up again. It's a entirely different feel trying to stand up with all that equipment (especially when you can't bend your legs too well) and holding a stick. We quickly realized the guy was wrong and Cole does need a right-handed stick--URGHH. His previous classes had been 30 minute sessions and this class is a full hour. He hung in there though. His favorite teacher Miss Angie came in about halfway through the session, so he got some one-on-one attention, which he loves. The last few minutes of practice they let them skate around and play tag and bump each other. Cole likes to bump others but when someone bumped him and he fell, he cried. A lean mean fighting machine he's not. After the tears were gone, he got back up and finished practice. He was soaking with sweat when he came off the ice, but smiling so that's all that matters. Well, I guess all we need now is a right-handed stick. Oh, and a SUV to haul all that stuff around.

The cats did it

Tonight I had to make four turkey/snowmen for my music play tomorrow---don't ask. Cole was helping. I left the room for a minute and when I came back Cole had a perfectly straight vertical cut line in the collar of his t-shirt and a pair of scissors (not his kid scissors that he had been using moments before) laying suspiciously next to his right hand. When I asked him what happened, he said the "cats scratched his shirt" when I said I don't think so, he changed his story to the "cats bit his shirt". I asked if he was sure he didn't cut his shirt and he shook his head, no. I pointed out the fairly obvious fact that there were not any cats in the room and he changed his story to "the snowman did it". Hiding my smile and holding back the laugh, I told him that I wouldn't be angry if he told the truth and asked him what a lie was. After his rather rambling explanation I asked him the truth again, and with downcast eyes he explained "the scissors accidentally cut his shirt." No really? I thanked him for telling the truth and we finished our project.

One other funny note. I brought Cole home a flower today because someone was going to throw out a wilted Gerber daisy at work. Cole often brings me flowers that he picked from the playground, so I decided to give him one instead. He was happy and said it was our "married flowers". He was going to give it to me on our "married day" and we would stand in front of the man and he would say, "Do you take this woman?" I started cracking up. I asked him where he knew this from and he said from "Clifford the Big Red Dog". I guess they must have watched an episode at daycare on one of their monthly movie days that showed that.

Glorious Fall

I love this time of year. The weather becomes colder and the start of the holiday's are about to begin.

Yesterday was a beautiful day. Cole and I took Anna and Colin, Dr. Martin's kids to the park and to the Austin Zoo. She had to work and her husband was out of town and needed someone to watch the kiddos. I eagerly volunteered. I had several people ask me if I was crazy, volunteering to have three children for the morning. I wanted to say, "Hello people, this IS what I want to do for my life." We picked them up from work and went to the park for an hour. It was so much fun watching their imaginations and creativity at play. Collin is the youngest and had no trouble keeping up with the other two. Then we headed off to the zoo. I gave my rules before I left the car, "Stay together, no running, hold hands, no fingers on the cages (you are up pretty close to the cages, no yelling etc.)". I let the kids take turn being "line leader" so there were no arguments. They were all very well behaved. There were no fights, no whining, and no out of control children all day. We all had a great time. We got to feed the animals at the petting zoo (fun for even the big kid - me) and ride the train. They were so eager waiting for the train we all made up silly songs, to kill time. Cole really enjoyed having kids to pal around with for the day and I was relaxed and glad I didn't have to be his constant play companion.

Today we carved pumpkins. Cole loved scraping and pulling out the nasty pumpkin innards. Then he drew about five faces around his pumpkin. I let him use the "pokey" carving tool to punch in the outline of his faces and then I carved them out and let him push them through. We then created my pumpkin that I will take to work. We had such a great time. We were sitting on the back porch enjoying the beautiful weather for hours. I love creating traditions. I had never carved a pumpkin until I had Cole. We never did that as kids (my mom never did as a kid, either). However, since Cole was a baby we have carved pumpkin every year. Guess that's one good thing Cole's dad taught me, how to carve a pumpkin. I'll take the good memories where I can get them, I guess.

Braggin' and then URRRGGH!

Most nights after dinner, we sit down to do Cole's homework. He usually has to trace letters, match rhyming words, do simple math, etc. I'm lucky because I hear most mom's complaining their child doesn't want to do their work, or worse they refuse to do work at home, so they moms don't make them (great message to teach them in their early learning). I've heard some strong opinions about homework for Pre-K, but I personally don't see a problem with it. It starts early good habits and requires the parent's to work with their kids, which sadly doesn't happen enough. Luckily, Cole enjoys his homework, sometimes it's hard to keep him from working ahead. I love to see the look of joy in his face when he works through his assignment. Luckily the assignments are generally short, because it is hard to keep a four-year-old focused for too long.

Tonight as I was giving him his bath, I was looking at him thinking the evening over and how lucky I am. I was thinking about what a big boy he has become. While we get dinner ready, he sets the table for us. After playing each night, he picks his room up without complaint (okay so maybe some of the toys are just stashed under his bed, but the floor is clean). He bathes himself at bathtime, brushes his own teeth (and then I repeat with instructions in espanol), washes his own hair and gets on his pj's. After I read him two books he quietly goes off to bed. Oops, did I say quietly?

Not tonight, he had a mini pouty session because he wanted to watch a movie. Seems he must have known I was planning on blogging about what a big boy he was and didn't want to make my story too good to be true :-)

Clarity

Well, the decision finally came to me about working two jobs. I had read Dr. 26's comment and it really hit home for me (the funny thing was she was worried about upsetting me, when she really just clarified my feelings). The next day I was leaving my math test and as I opened the door to the bright sunshine and started my hurried rush to go pick up Cole, I said to myself, "that's it I'm not taking the job." For the first time in weeks I could suddenly breathe easily again. I had a spring in my step. I decided to take out more student loans (yikes) to alleviate the worry over next semester.

The call to the EC didn't go so well and I REALLY hate disappointing people, but sometimes you got to do what is right for yourself. And boy was I glad that after my 5 hour Saturday work session, I didn't have to head over to the EC for an 8 hour shift. I was doubly glad on Sunday when I spent the entire day throwing up and staying in bed, I had previously been scheduled for an 8 hour shift then, too. I was so sick on Sunday that my mom had to take Cole to hockey alone, which made me feel miserable. There is no way I could go off to work every Sunday and miss hockey.

So thanks everyone for your words of advice and wisdom. Being a single parent, full-time employee, and part-time student is more than enough for me. So next time I think crazy thoughts about taking on YET more stress, don't be afraid to tell me I'm CRAZY!

Panic Attack

I think I had a panic attack this afternoon. I've never had one, so I don't know what one feels like per say. I've been toying with the idea of working part-time at the animal emergency clinic. I interviewed several weeks ago and shadowed for a shift. I was considering relief work or weekend shifts. They actually offered me a full-time position, but right now that wouldn't be very beneficial to me. They explained the con's of part time (fast paced, difficult to learn, etc.) but I stressed again that I could only do part-time for now. They called back and said they were still interested and would have to look at the shifts.

This afternoon they called and said they want me to start on Saturday. They wanted me there @ 1:00 pm. However, I have a mandatory "Strategic Planning Session" from 1:30 pm - 6:00 pm on Saturday for my full-time job. So now I get to do that as planned, then go work a shift at the EC and then work at the EC from 8:00 am - 6:00 pm on Sunday, as well. WHAT AM I THINKING? AM I CRAZY? The idea of it sound good, but the reality?... can I handle extra stress? During the week I feel like I barely get to spend any time with Cole. We leave at 6:20 in the morning, are home almost every day after 6:00 pm and then there is dinner, dishes, homework for Cole, and bathtime, not much room for just enjoying each other. The weekends are the only real quality time we get to share. This also means I will have to miss his hockey lesson on Sunday, oh and my own studying/homework FORGET ABOUT IT.

I'm only interested in working part-time because next semester I will be working full-time M, W, F and EVERY Saturday and going to school full-time T&TH from 8:00 am - 5:00 pm (actually Tuesday's until 7:00 pm). This means although I will be full-time, it will be 35 hours vs. the 40+ I've worked (and am budgeted on) for the past 4 years, plus increased tuition since I will be taking 17 hours. I need to save money for school and bills for next semester.

I feel slightly better since I got a letter from the Attorney General saying they located the ex's employer and will begin to garnish his wages ('bout damn time). However, that will only work if he keeps that job and he's already proven that is not a priority in his life, so I can't count on anything.

So there I sat this afternoon, outside of daycare, paralyzed with fear, trying to catch my breath. Can I do this? Can I give up my weekends with Cole? If so how long? I hate to have someone else have to take care of him. Can I live with myself, having my mom be responsible for him on the weekends? Will she go crazy? Will I? Am I? Where is my crystal ball? I'm supposed to call the EC after my Sunday shift to let them know what I think and talk about shifts. They have an 8:00 pm to 2:00am weekend shift, I can do that....I think. Spend the days with Cole and still go to hockey and then go to work. Hope it's open???? Know any rich dying single men out there??? Just kidding....I think. Breathe, Breathe, Breathe.

In memory of,

I received a wonderful gift today at work. Leah gave me a shadow box with a picture of Al, his collar and his paw print. It was perfect. I couldn't open it in front of everyone looking at me and the day was hellacious, so I didn't have a chance to close the door and look at it until late in the day, but it was worth the wait. After a day like today I needed something to take my mind off of work. When I showed it to Cole, his eyes became as big as saucers, and he said in a whisper, "Mommy it's Alby, it's Alby. Look there is his collar and his footprint." He hugged the shadow box and said "I sure miss Alby, he was a good boy, I loved him." He asked where I got it and when I said Leah made it, he wanted to call her "right away" and thank her. So thanks Leah, you brightened both of our days and now we have something that we will always cherish in addition to our memories.

Night school

Monday through Friday we leave the house at 6:15 am. It is pitch dark. After getting ready myself, making breakfast for us both (okay so it's more like gathering, than making) and dress a slumbering Cole and lug him out into the car. This morning as I was setting him in his seat, he cracked open one eye and sleepily mumbled, "Mommy, I'm tired of waking up to go to school every night.". Me too, me too.

Birthday wind-down

Saturday was my birthday. I’m officially 31, whoopee! 30 didn’t bother me, but 31? jeez, I’m getting old. My birthday started out, the way all birthdays should (insert drum roll here) with a garage sale. Nothing says happy birthday like waking up at before the sun rises and having people mill around the old crap you don’t want anymore trying to bargain down your already low prices. But, at least the garage sale is done, I didn’t get rid of my washer & dryer but I’m going to donate them to a local animal rescue group. The scary and exciting thing is that when Cole and I eventually move out, we will be starting over basically from scratch. We will have beds and dishes and not much else. It really will be a new beginning.

I had plans to go out to the Broken Spoke a C&W bar that night. I knew I’m officially old when I needed to take a nap, if I was going to be staying out late. So Cole and I took a nap and then woke up to open presents and have cake. My present from Cole was perfect. He picked out a ring that had a pink heart shaped gemstone and the band of the ring says “I love you”. My mom said he had picked out the ring because of the pink heart, but when she told him it said “I love you”, he had to get it for me. I’m proud of him because this is the first time, he kept his gift a secret, too! He wants me to where the ring on my “married finger” and I proudly put it on. That’s the only man’s ring I’d ever put on that finger again, anyway :-). My parent’s got me a watch and some birthday money that I will try VERY hard to spend on only myself, we will see.

Saturday night Leah took me to dinner and then we met some co-workers at the Broken Spoke. Before we got there, I was thinking to myself that there was no way I was going to dance, but I did dance and had a great time. I don’t like to drink but other people think you can’t have fun if you don’t drink, so I nursed a beer all night, my friend Paige kept pouring me “phantom” refills from the pitcher. The funniest thing all night was my boss, who danced to almost every song with the ladies from our table. He would just tap someone on the shoulder and head on out. He was a pretty good dancer, too. Everyone dances different and it’s difficult to learn what each person is doing, but he would show you each time and off you’d go. I actually danced with everyone, even Leah twice! The first trip out to the floor, I was having a moment of a panic attack, because I’m really uncomfortable with the whole touching, personal space thing. On the way out, it dawned on me that I used to LOVE dancing and just told my self to relax and have a good time. The biggest surprise of the night was Shawn showed up at the Broken Spoke. Here is this heavy metal, longhaired, guy in his C&W shirt dancing the two-step and cracking up and having a great time, what a site. One of the funniest things was Travis, who was dressed in a western shirt and jeans, boots, a big silver longhorn belt buckle and a western belt. I looked at the belt and the name on the back said, “Jimmy”. I laughed so hard. He bought the belt at Savers, a discount store for three dollars. A belt with someone else’s name, too funny! Anyway, all in all, it was a great birthday.

My brother’s birthday is on Tuesday, so we had our combined dinner out on Sunday. We had to take two cars because Cole had hockey afterwards. Cole wanted to ride in the “boy’s car” and made the “boys” sit on the same side of the table at the restaurant. He loves my brother and was sitting on his lap at dinner (and hey I got to eat using both of my hands and with no one half leaning/sitting on me). It was really sweet to see Cole, “male bonding”. I can’t wait until he’s a little older and can go golfing or spend the day with them.
Well, at least the weekend brought me out a little from the funk I’ve been in. So thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday and helped me celebrate!