Tuesday, May 30, 2006


I called the ex this morning to remind him that he still had not paid child support. Here’s the conversation. Me: “Just calling to remind you that you still need to give me the child support.” Him: “Oh, okay...do you want anything from my apartment?” Me: “From your apartment? No, why?” Him: “Oh yeah, I’m moving to New York in 2 weeks, I meant to call you.” Ummm, gee thanks for letting me know. He has no job and is going to live in his friend’s basement, sounds promising. Later this evening we spoke again about Cole’s health insurance (he is supposed to pay it until Cole’s 18). He went on and on about various aspects of moving. I asked if he was planning on seeing Cole before he moved (since he hasn’t mentioned it). He is leaving the Friday after next as soon as he leaves work. Him: “Oh, yeah, I was planning on seeing him as much as possible”. Me: “Do you want to take him Friday night and have him Saturday?” Him: “Friday, no that won’t work. My friends at work are going to be throwing me a thing.” HELLO!!!! You most likely will never see your son again. But, let’s not disappoint your work friends. By the way, he made no plans to see Cole. I’m so disappointed in him, but most of all, I am disappointed in myself for becoming involved with someone like him. Why can everyone else see what a cool kid Cole is, besides him??? Cole is so much fun and just watching him get a kick out of something, makes my day. It’s something that Randy has never experienced and now never will.

Tonight was no exception. We stopped at Academy to get Cole a “Book ‘Em” Horns t-shirt to go with his new “Book ‘Em” Horns shorts and he just had to have a Scooby-Doo fishing pole. The pole had an orange plastic fish that you could tie on the line. He had the most fun playing with the kitten and that pole this evening. He was doubled over belly laughing rest of the night. It’s a shame that he will never get to experience the joy that his son could bring to his life.

Saturday, May 27, 2006


Well, it’s official. I am finally divorced. I should feel sad but all I feel is a sense of relief. The first time that I got divorced, yes, I have been married twice (a fact that I’m not proud of and rarely mention) I was devastated. I was married very young and we divorced a few years later. He cheated on me. I felt was like I was sucker punched. I still loved him. It was like driving along in a car when suddenly you are hit head on, you don’t see it coming until the split second before the car hits you (okay maybe there were a few warning signs). This time, however, it was like you saw that you were about to have an accident, you knew it was unavoidable, but you had time to prepare. We decided 11 months ago that we were going to get divorced, but it was over long before that.

The lack of involvement he has shown in Cole’s life, since that time, has only solidified my feelings. I know with 100% certainty, I made the right choice for Cole and myself. I will not look back or what “if” this decision, like I have so many in my life.

Last week, Randy said that he was probably going to move back to New York. He couldn’t believe I wasn’t surprised. I want him to go. I know that’s unfair to Cole, but he’s an absent father at best. He lives only a few miles away and rarely sees his son. Now, however, he’s dating someone here. It’s sad to me that he wouldn’t mind leaving and not being with his own son, but would stay for a girl (I can only imagine the sob stories and lies he tells her). It’s weird to me that he is dating again. I’m not jealous, because I know the type of man she’s going to get. It just ironic that he’s free to date and be single, because Cole factors into his life, so little.

I’m just ready to put this past me and move on. No more looking back. Here’s to the future!

Wednesday, May 24, 2006


Sorry, I haven't posted in awhile. The last few weeks have been very rough for me at work and I haven't been in a blogging frame of mind.

First the fun part of my day. Tuesday's and Thursday's are my early days. I get off @ 3pm. Cole has been begging to go bowling, again. We tried to go on Saturday but it was an hour wait. So, Tuesday morning when I woke him up to go to school, he asked "are we going bowling?". I thought, why not? We made plans to go after work. It was a perfect day/time to go. The alley was virtually empty. We bowled two games and had a great time. However, even though only Cole and I were bowling, he still asked "Is it my turn yet?" EVERY time. One time (when in fact it WAS his turn), he went to roll the ball and he tripped and the ball flew out of his hands. It began to roll towards the adjacent lane. He went running after it. I jumped up to stop him and reached him just as he had crossed the foul line. He took one step on the shiny, oiled lane and his feet went flying every direction. Laughing, I pulled him back. After bowling, we went to dinner and to the gym.

Leah and I, tried a hardbodies class (don't laugh). They announced that in June they are having a contest for pairs. They contest is to see which pair can lose the most body fat in 5 weeks. It's $12.50 to join and the winning pair takes home the mula. So, Leah I'm calling you OUT! We are going to do this, so you better be ready.

Once I got home, I was walking through the front room and thought I saw a cockroach (I'd seen a couple of those nasty tree roaches the past few weeks). When I got close, I realized it was a SCORPION. I hate those things (MORE THAN BEES!!!!). It was dead and it was missing it's stinger. One of the cats must have killed it, probably the new kitten (more on him later). Just the sight of a scorpion, even in a picture, gives me the willies. I called my mom to see what my dad sprays with, but he was in bed. She said she would find out in the morning, because it was late and I wouldn't be going to the store tonight. WHAT? Not go to the store tonight. Doesn't she want me to sleep? ;-) As she was saying this, I was thinking "I'm SO going to the store right now." I didn't tell her, because she'd think I was crazy. So Cole and I raced off to Home Depot. We walked in 1 minute till 9:00. However, they were very helpful and helped me pick a product that would work and be safe for the zoo at home after it dries. We got home, Cole went to bed, and the cleaning/spraying frenzy began. I finally showered at midnight and went to bed. Thank goodness, I do not have to be in until 8:00 am tomorrow. WHEWW!! Hopefully there will be no more scorpions....dead or alive!

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Four "pokes" for four years

Cole had his four-year check up today. He had a hearing and vision test and then got weighed and measured. He is still in the 25%th percentile for growth (where he’s been since birth). According to his growth chart (39” tall and 32 lbs) this would make him a 5’8” tall man, we will see! At least he is darn cute! The doctor said 5’8” is actually the average height for a man. Wonder if that is true, or she was making me feel better? ;-) The doctor said he is extremely flexible and coordinated for his age.

She did a lot of talking to him and discussed some milestones for his age. He should have an active imagination (he does, to say the least....”Mom, let me ask you a question. Remember when the dinosaur bit my head off?” He will start to try out “bad” words to check his response. Right again, “Damnmit” (learned from me- sorry to say, is his favorite – always muttered in the right context thought, yeah Cole!). “Eediot” from Scooby Doo and just tonight, “Mommy, why don’t the freakin’ cars move?” while sitting at the stoplight, again sadly learned from me. My response is to laugh. I know I shouldn’t but it sounds so funny coming from his sweet four-year-old mouth. All those who judge, I do tell him if he repeats it that it is a bad word (hiding a smile). The doctor was impressed with his verbal skills and said he appears happy and healthy.
He got four vaccines today. The look of betrayal on his face when the nurse gave the first vaccine nearly broke my heart. Luckily she was quick and gave two in each thigh and was done in just a few seconds. He was prepared for the “pokes”. We had talked about them all weekend. I always tell him ahead of time, that it will hurt, but only for a moment. He wanted the nurse to “poke and take blood” because he’s gone with me to donate blood many times. But no, he had to get vaccines instead. He only cried for a few minutes. Next door is a donut shop and there were four firemen inside. They talked to him and showed him the outside of their truck. The “pokes” were forgotten in no time. He had a great day at school and proudly removed his band-aids when we got home.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

I didn't sign up for this!

Cole and I are turtle-sitting a co-worker’s turtle while she is on vacation. I know NOTHING about turtles but eagerly jumped in to watch it while she was gone (it needs medicine twice a day, because one of her dogs chomped down on the shell). She brought the turtle to work last Friday with some handwritten instructions. “Be careful SHE bites.” “Toad is TRICKY” (yes, a turtle named Toad). Well, Toad has been calm and hasn’t tried to bite even once. Cole has been fascinated by her (myself as well, I must admit).

Since she is injured she is kept in a little box (and by box I mean-small igloo cooler) with a damp paper towel (per my instructions). I medicated her twice daily. I was told to feed her on Tuesday. I was supposed to put her in her exercise box (and by box I mean –bed pan) and add a couple inches of water and some little green turtle pellets. She said the turtle would swim around, drink, defecate, and eat. I was told that if we wanted we could also feed her insects.

So Tuesday when we got home from the gym, Cole and I immediately went out bug hunting (I forgot how much fun, it is to turn over rocks and lift up plants in the search of bugs. It made me feel like a kid again). After we collected a buffet of creepy crawlies, we raced inside and added water to her “exercise box” and added “dinner”. I’m walking into my bathroom (where Toad has been staying) talking away about the dinner we’ve prepared for Toad. I go to grab Toad (still talking to her), when I exclaim “WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?” There in her 6”x6” box, sitting on her moist paper towel is an egg. No wonder, she was so calm the past few days, she was busy getting ready to lay an egg. I didn’t have the energy to bite either, the week I gave birth. I don’t know how to take care of a turtle, let alone a turtle’s egg. I immediately called a few people from work to get advice. It seems, is that it is most likely not a fertilized egg. I’ve let her keep her egg in her nest (of damp paper towels) and will let her real mom decided what to do with it when she returns. Cole was delighted by the addition to our borrowed “family”.

By the way, she didn’t eat last night. So we repeated the process of bug hunting today. In the backyard, under a rock I found some little white “eggs” and about the time I was thinking they looked like snake eggs, out came “momma” and slithered over a rock and under the fence. As Cole was looking out excitedly and Bullet puzzled, out came another snake, following the path of the first. They were both gray and about 8”long. After I was done catching bugs, I replaced their “home” so they could come back to their “eggs”.

Toad still didn’t eat, but swam around happily. She is full of energy now (still hasn’t tried to bite though). Hope she eats soon and I hope her real mom gets home safely so I can give her the good news, that she is a grandma!

Thursday, May 04, 2006

The Beast is Unleashed

Every morning a body inhabiting beast possesses my darling son. He is NOT a morning person. If he is allowed to wake up on his own, he's charming. But awake him from his slumber and you awake the beast, as well. I learned long ago that the mornings go by smoother if we pick out his clothes and breakfast the night before (I learned this the hard way, let me tell you!)

This morning, as I gently awoke the beast and tried to dress it ( by unwinding the covers the beast had strapped to his body and around his head) I heard the beast utter, "Mommy, you are a ruiner!" "A What, I said?" "A ruiner", the beast muttered. I said, "How am I a ruiner?" He replied, "Because you ruin my sleep." Ahh, how clever the beast is. I chuckled and continued my efforts to tame the beast. The beast growled and mumbled, but at last the beast was dressed. I rewrapped the beast in his cocoon and started to carry him to the car. Suddenly, one of the beast's claws jetted out of a hole in the cocoon and quickly scratched me on the arm. (Thankfully, last night I had trimmed the nails on the body the beast was inhabiting-so no harm was done). I was laughing so much, I almost dropped the beast on the carpet. (I never take anything the beast does personally, after all the beast is a wild animal).

Luckily, in the few minutes it takes to get to daycare, the beast was gone, leaving me with a sleepy yet sweet Cole. Until tomorrow beast, until tomorrow.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Mirror Mirror on the wall

In my kickboxing class there are floor to ceiling mirrors. As a general rule, I stand where I can’t see myself. If I have to stand in front of the mirror, I stand at a crack (where two mirrors come together). A lean mean fighting machine, I’m not. This distorts my image so I don’t have to focus on myself. Staying perfectly balanced on the crack is an aerobic exercise in itself. Tonight in class, I was balanced on the crack (sounds kind of perverted) and out of the corner of my eye, I saw my mom. In the slit second I was turning around and thinking what is my mom doing here? I realized I was seeing myself in the reflection. It was so funny! Guess I really do look like my mom- even fooled myself for a moment. Good thing I happen to love my mom!