In sickness and in health

There is nothing worse than having a sick kid. When you are used to them running at full tilt, seeing them weak and febrile is heartbreaking. Cole spent a few hours with his dad yesterday (and Carla his "friend"). When he got home he seemed out of sorts. I wasn't sure if he was tired or upset and he didn't say...he just didn't seem himself. Shortly after he got home we had to leave for hockey, at first he said he didn't want to go then he said he did and seemed excited. As soon as we got to the hockey rink he had a huge meltdown which was completely out of character. He cried about going to practice and when I said he didn't have to he cried about that as well. After he started hysterically crying in the parking lot I made the decision for him. He calmed down in the car and we had previous plans to visit "Obo" at his new restaurant http://www.texaslandandcattle.com. At dinner Cole didn't want to eat and quickly fell asleep in my lap, by the end of dinner his face was flushed with fever. We came home and I gave him some motrin. He coughed most of the night and around midnight coughed and threw up all over me and the bed. This morning his fever was up to 102. I had to call into work which I never do and we made a doctors appointment. It seems my little Colebug has strep, and ear infection and a cough. His throat looked horrible and I know how I awful I felt a few weeks ago when I had strep, so I can only imagine how he feels. We spent the day at home cuddled together watching movies. His fever stays down as long as I give the Motrin every 6 hours. Hopefully, he will feel better tomorrow after the antibiotics have 24 hours to do their magic.

File this under "U"

"U" for unbelievable or "U" gotta be sh*ting me!!! Tonight we were all at Home Depot and while I was watching Cole pretend to drive the tractors my phone rings and "Loser" displays on the screen (I know...I know...I'm so mature...hey it was N2 (as in N squared) for a while for numbnuts)...ANYWAY! I answered and R asked if I was at home. When I said no, he said that he was on his way into Austin and wanted me to do an Internet search for hotels for the night. I thought this was a little bit weird because two weekends ago he stayed with a friend, but whatever. He then asked what our plans where for tomorrow. When I replied, he said he wanted to have Cole for several hours because he brought a "friend" with him that he REALLY wanted Cole to meet. The nerve. Wanting me to research a hotel for him and his "friend". Some people have no clue..as he has proved time and time again.

Under normal circumstances I think single parents should be EXTREMELY cautious about introducing someone they are dating to their children. Children form attachments very easily and when those relationships fail, it is another loss felt by the child. Obviously, these aren't normal circumstances, Cole really doesn't even have a bond with his dad and so far a visit from him and the subsequent parting doesn't appear to have much of an impact at all. So if R calls tomorrow I will let Cole go and meet the "friend". Who knows how long this renewed lackadaisical interest will last in Cole, so we should just make the best of the situation.

I find it hard to believe that R has changed his core person and learned from his prior relationship mistakes. He was dating before we were even divorced...actually he was going out and trying to date while we were still living in the same house...and was even involved in a short relationship before he moved, so I knew he would be moving on.

As for me....I'm still NO WHERE near being ready for anything or anyone else. I still don't know if I ever will be. Luckily for me, I have all the love I need from Cole!

Ice pictures

Here are the pictures from "Ice Storm '07" ! We didn't get much snow, but there was enough to build a 6" Central Texas Snowman on the snow that accumulated on Cole's rock wall. Cole's slide was covered in about 2" of ice and he really enjoyed sliding down it...it would launch him out about 2'.


Here is "Popsicle" that we broke off of the roof. Over and over I got to lift Cole up to break off icicles. He thought most of them looked like carrots. He would then take the icicles and break them on the trees, sidewalk, or watch them shatter in the street. Such a boy!





This is my favorite photo. The look on face was priceless. He made snow angels in the driveway (not enough snow on the grass). I don't know how he even knows how to make a snow angel...must be something he's seen on TV.

The Ice Day was bad for business in Austin but it was sure a great time for kids and parents alike!

Do babies have eyes?

"Mommy, do babies have eyes?" Yes, of course Cole. You have seen your baby pictures and you had eyes. "No, mom (said in that you are so dense mom tone) I mean in their mommies tummies" Yes, buddy babies eyes start to develop in their mom's tummy. "When I was in your tummy I couldn't see anything (long pause) Oh! I know! (said with excitement) it's because you didn't have a light switch in your tummy and it was too dark to see!"

Why I love you

Due to "Ice Storm '07" (gotta love the catch phrases used by the media) Cole and I got to spend some relaxing down time together. Yesterday we were home all day and it actually SNOWED! We played outside for hours and even made a six inch snowman (I'll post pictures later). When we were snuggling to warm up afterwards, I hugged Cole and said, "Why do I love you so much?" He smiled and said, "I know why I love you." When I asked why, this was his reply, "Because you lift 'heby' things for me, you open drinks for me, you give me money for the snack machine at school, you do good things for me, you always give me kisses, help me do my data, help me make my chocolate milk, help me go potty and you love me...that's it!" He always has great answers. Earlier when I asked him why almost every night he ends up in my bed at some point, he said "because you have a magnet in your body and it makes me go to you." I cracked up. Ooooh!! I never knew I had magnetism before!

Visit with Dad

Cole's dad is working in Houston for 8 weeks. He came to Austin this past weekend. We spoke to him on Friday and he was going to spend Saturday with Cole and was going to call first thing in the morning to make plans. He didn't call until after 12:00 which I find so frustrating since he hasn't seen Cole since May. It was pouring down rain and half the town was seeing some flooding, so plans were limited. My mom and I had decided to take Cole to a movie (since we hadn't heard from him) so I suggested he take him. He agreed and we met at the mall. I had been talking to Cole about seeing his dad so he was excited and went running towards him as soon as he saw him. Both my mom and I got teary eyed. The exchanged a long hung and I handed him the car seat and sent them on their way. They went to a movie and my mom and I went to another. Cole's dad wanted to go to the bookstore afterwards so he took Cole. After our movie was over I called him and he needed to bring Cole back to me because he had dinner plans. We met up again and he said that he wanted to come watch Cole play hockey on Sunday. I said that he was welcome to have Cole on Sunday before hockey if he wanted to spend some more time with him. He crumpled up his face, like I had just spit into his coffee and then offered him a drink. Ummm, okay guess not. We didn't hear from him until about 15 minutes before hockey started on Sunday. He was late because he went to the wrong hockey rink, but did make it. So I peacefully sat next to him throughout the practice and made small talk (I'm grimacing as I type this). Cole did seem to enjoy seeing him and hopefully he'll come visit him a few more times. All I ever wanted is for them to have a relationship, so baby steps are better than none at all.

At the Y-M-C-A

As I mentioned in a previous post Cole and I joined the YMCA. We have really enjoyed it thus far. The sound of the racquetball reverberating off the wall, the squeak of the tennis shoes on the basketball court, and sweating old men (which when I was a kid were probably mid-twenties, early thirties), feel like home to me. Growing up my dad ran the Air Force base gym. As kids, my brother and I spent our summer "vacations" at work with him. We would get up before the sun came up and spent the entire day there. We would play tennis, basketball, racquetball, run the track and swim all day....it was a kids paradise.

The YMCA reminds me so much of that time. Except now the sweating old men are in their late 40's, 50's and even older. Not a "meatheads" or "barbies" in sight. It is so kid friendly. Cole and I have been going almost nightly (not Sunday's gotta rest some time). They have a great mini-gym that Cole can play in why I get my work-out done and every night afterwards we do something together, hula-hoop, basketball, or most often chase each other around the track.

I signed up for five personal training sessions. My personal trainer is Seymore, he's middle-aged, very tall and sinewy and quite dorky actually. He has a very calm and mild manner. We had our first sessions tonight. I thought I was going to die. I haven't worked that hard in years. I was mentally cussing Seymore and myself for getting this way in the first place (ahhh what depression and stress can do to you). I was sweating like a pig (do pigs sweat?) , gallons and gallons of sweat. About halfway through the hour long training session, I asked Seymore if he was trying to kill me, I reminded him that it took me years to get my body this way and we didn't have to try to completely change it in one night, he cracked up.....I wasn't kidding! I'm sore in places I never knew existed. Afterwards we had a great stretching sessions and I was so sore and dying I didn't even care that he was touching my legs (to help me stretch).

After my suicide training session, Cole and I did "Mommy and me" Yoga. Seymore is also the instructor (his mild manner is great with the kids). It was so much fun. There were about 15 people in the class and Cole and I both had a wonderful time...even though every move caused me intense agony. Anyway...over two hours after arriving we went home and I took a scalding hot shower, took some Tylenol and said a prayer that I will be able to walk tomorrow.

Dreams

This morning Cole said he had two dreams last night. When I asked him what they were about he said "shotting" (pronounced shot - ing) and "being naked". Interesting combination. He said in his "shotting dream some T-rexs were trying to get his class and he was shooting at them." The "naked" dream he was "naked on my shoulders"....HMMMM, I didn't ask any further questions about that one. Wonder what Freud would have to say about those dreams?

Happy New Year

Happy New Year 2007! Well I've officially been blogging for a year now. It's been a great stress relief and I've enjoyed going back to review some of my posts to recap my year. I know 2007 is going to be a better year for me. I've finally got some money in savings and I'm about to start school full-time. My grandma gave me some money to join a gym one of my Christmas gifts so Cole and I joined the YMCA and I'm excited about getting active again. I finally feel better emotionally, mentally, etc. I'm ready to get my life back on tract.

I think today was a great start for the New Year. It was sunny and beautiful. Cole and I walked to this great park that is about 3/4 of a mile from my mom's house. We had a picnic lunch, played on the playground, hiked for about an hour on the trails, sat on a little bridge listening and watching the running stream (it was really flowing thanks to the recent rains). There is nothing more relaxing than the sound of running water. It was a wonderful day and I'm ready to face the new year.