Venom

It seems like every time I try to get over my anger at Cole's dad (a word that doesn't really describe him) it gets refreshed. Child support and insurance seem trivial to the pain it causes me when Cole wants or needs a dad, then I really hate him all over again.

He called Cole in April, yes April! Not a word since then. Cole almost literally never speaks about him. I never speak bad about him in front of Cole and when and if Cole asks questions I very carefully consider the answers that I give. He hasn't spoken or asked about him in many, many months.

On Sunday we were running errands and he asked me to help spell a sentence. I thought he said " I hate that." and I was helping him sound out the words, when we got to the last word I was sounding out that and he said that wasn't the right word, he wanted to spell "I hate dad." I almost fell out of my seat, I was truly speechless. No anger or sadness he just wanted to spell "I hate dad." The next day he was playing with some men on motorcycles (toys, just in case you think I let him hang around biker bars) and I was in the hallway half-listening as he was playing and he said " Hi my name is Cole. Are you Brad? Do you go to my school? Hey did you know my great-papa and my dad are dead?" Tears sprung to my eyes. That night without mentioning I had overheard him, I asked him if he remembered where his dad was and he did know.

I had just picked him up from school tonight and we were sitting in traffic on the way home and he said, "Mom, you know what? I only have one parent. I think I'm going to ask my Papa to be my dad. I'll tell him when I get home. Granny can be my step-mom." Finally laughing through my tears, I asked him how he even knows what a 'step-mom' is. He said, " I just know that word."

We talked some more tonight about his dad, but I'm kinda of at a loss of what to say. I think with all the holiday stuff at school they must be talking about families or something. I am going to speak to his teacher next week. I'm thinking he might need to visit the school counselor. He has had no behavior changes, but I just want to be safe.

Last Day :-(

Today was my last day with the Kindergarten class. I can't believe the semester went by so fast. The kids made a cute book for me, they colored pictures of me and them and wrote a few sentences of things we did in class together. I know I will always treasure that book. I ate lunch with them in the cafeteria and had made them each a gift bag. At the end of the day after some tears and hugs, I said my final goodbye.

During Christmas break I'm going to volunteer in Cole's class on Thursday so at least I'll still get my Kindergarten fix.

Respite

I'm loving my time off. It's wonderful to actually spend some quality time with Cole, no homework, no work, no school, no deadlines and rushing to and fro. True to my style though we have been busy. We've made pecan and pumpkin pies, gingerbread men, and pizza. We've been to the gym daily, ran errands and started Christmas shopping.

On Friday, we went to a wonderful museum, the Texas Memorial Museum on the UT campus. I had googled "dinosaurs" Austin, TX on Wednesday night and a link to this museum came up. It's free to visit. An added perk was that it was a student holiday so there was no traffic and plenty of free parking. We both loved the museum. They had 4 floors of exhibits. The bottom floor was fossils, dinosaurs, and meteorites a five-year-old's dream come true. The really cool part was they have a Paleo lab and a Paleontologist on site to answer questions. She was wonderful. Cole probably asked questions for 30 minutes. She answered all his questions and showed him some really cool fossils and photos of digs she had been on. We will absolutely go back and visit again! Cole now wants to be a "cooker and a bone finder" when he grows up.

After the museum and lunch we went to the park. We explored a dry creek bed and had a great time in the cold air (FINALLY!!!) looking for our own "dinosaur fossils". I took some great photos of Cole. After stopping by work for a quick meeting it was off to the gym to swim in the heated indoor pool.

Today Cole had karate and we went to see Enchanted (hope you got to see it Joey, because it was cute..of course it did have McDreamy) then I donated blood. This afternoon since it is cold and rainy we have been...wait, wait for it....relaxing! Movies, hot chocolate and some good old tickling matches, that's it! I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday weekend.

Wrap Up

I barely left the house this weekend. The only thing we had planned was "date night" on Saturday, but Cole came down with Strep. This really hasn't been his week.

I literally spent almost the entire weekend doing homework. The remainder of my projects are due on Tuesday, this semester flew by. I know that I'm going to cry when I have to say goodbye to the kids. The big project I have due is a powerpoint highlighting what I have learned and taught this semester. I spent countless hours downloading pictures and scanning documents. I wonder what the students did to showcase their work before we had such wonderful technology? It's nice to almost be done. The winter break will be the longest break that I have had since exactly this time last year. I can't wait!

The sweetest words

Last night after Cole's bedtime story, he looked at me reached over and gave me a hug and said, "Mom, you know what? You're my hero."

Can't catch a break!

Our drama filled life continues. I must have been horrible in my past life or something.

Today after school I had a message from Leah that Cole's school called and he had been poked in the eye. Of course, the school didn't call me and I got the message several hours after it happened. I called the school about 15 minutes after classes let out and the nurse said Cole was sitting on the floor and a student dropped her plastic folder onto his eye....WHAT??? Only my son. His eye was red but since they couldn't reach me, they sent him back to class (I did tell them next time to call my phone not my work, especially since I wasn't even there). I quickly sped to pick him up. His eye was swollen, squinty, and red. I called his doctor and they were unable/unwilling? to work him in. They offered the after hours clinic which could see him in a few hours. It is way up north and I would be sitting in rush hour traffic for at least 1 hour.

Remember how Cole's dad had e-mailed to say no more child support, no more insurance? I had signed Cole up for new insurance and the cards had just come in the mail. We rushed home to get them. At home I took a good look at his eye and there was some redness, but he said his eye didn't really hurt and it wasn't sensitive to light. I was most concerned about a possible scratch on his cornea. We stopped by my work and one of the doctors stained his eye to look for a scratch, there was nothing. So, and here is the part I feel like the worst mother of the year for I decided not to take him to after hours. We came home and he was feeling fine. We were applying warm compresses and relaxing. After his bath he was coughing while brushing his teeth because of his nasal congestion and he threw up. Immediately his eye started to swell and blood tinged tears came out. When I opened it you could see hemorrhaging on the white of his eye. The after hours clinic couldn't see him now so we rushed to the Urgent Care that is down the street. When we got in the receptionist kept telling me that they didn't take our insurance. I handed her my debit card and said "I don't care, I will pay whatever!". The nurse came out and took a look at Cole and brought him back. I didn't dare say that my son was seen by a vet earlier in the day! The doctor numbed his eye, took one look and said she didn't like what she was seeing and we needed to go straight to the ER for a possible emergency surgery. She called ahead and told the nurse they would need to page an ophthalmologist. We rushed over (I barely remember the tearful drive as I called Leah and my mom). Of course, once we got there they said they couldn't get an ophthalmologist in. By the time the doctor came in, Cole was sound asleep. She did several diagnostic tests and said the good news was the hemorrhaging hadn't gotten worse and he didn't need surgery tonight. She gave us some medicine for tonight and we have to see an ophthalmologist first thing tomorrow, but I hope everything will be all right.

The only funny part of the evening was watching the doctor try to run tests on Cole while he snored loudly. That boy can sleep! He was propped up on the eye diagnostic machine just snoring away while I held his eye open. I imagine in the morning, he will think it was all a bad dream.

Thank you Leah for trying to make it to the hospital. You're the best!

Loose tooth

Cole has talked so much about getting his first loose tooth. They talk about losing baby teeth at school and have a lost tooth chart that he can't wait to get his name on. We check his teeth frequently, but none have budged until now.

Yesterday at his afterschool care, he was chasing his paper airplane and ran in front of the swings. He was kicked in the face (or the back, depending on the story) and spun around and landed face first in the rocks (that part was verified by the teachers). His lip was swollen, his nose is all scratched up, and he said his teeth hurt. I looked at his teeth last night and the gums were swollen. Tonight I looked at his teeth again and sure enough the left top front tooth is loose. When I told Cole it wiggled his eyes lit up and flew off my lap, shouting with excitement that his tooth was loose. We had to show Granny and Papa and my eyes quickly filled with tears at yet another sign that my little boy is growing up (with the aide of a face plant).

Science Project

At the start of the school year Cole was given a packet of information on science fair projects. At his school district it is mandatory for 4th and 5th grade but an option for all others. He loved helping me with my project this summer and was excited about doing his own. I signed him up. The deadline seemed so far away. Fast forward to this weekend and me saying "What the heck was I thinking??????" His deadline came smack in the middle of a myriad of my own assignments that were due. I put my stuff on hold and we got busy on his project. We stained some hard-boiled eggs and tested different types of toothpastes to see what cleaned better. My favorite part was his hypothesis that his Watermelon Kids toothpaste would work better because it tastes the best. We had a great time. We completed his display board tonight and I will drop him off in the morning, so he can turn it in. I love his handwriting and crooked cutting and pasting, it just makes me smile every time I see it. What do ya'll think?

The firstt picture is how he dressed himself on Sunday to go to the gym. I cracked up....and yes I did let him go that way. Brown shorts, jean shorts, red baseball socks, yellow crocs, and a stocking cap now that is what I call an outfit.