Not for the squeamish

Last night I was talking to one of the doctors at work, Joey. Her daughter had swallowed a dime and they were instructed to examine her stool for the 'treasure'. If it hadn't appeared in three days, then she would need to go in for x-rays. Laughing she said she already knew that she would be the one who would get the digging honors. Human bodily functions gross out her husband (but we enjoy them, JK).

I was thinking about my 'throw up kid'. Cole has had an easy gag reflex since he was an infant. Crying too hard, coughing, swallowed wrong, too much food in the mouth all cause him to throw up.

When he was an infant it seemed like once a week I got a call from his daycare stating he was vomiting. To allow him to return, I would have to provide a doctor's note. Finally, my pediatrician wrote a note telling them that he just had an easy gag reflex and would vomit easily. The calls ceased. As a matter of a fact I can only remember one time when he actually was ill and vomiting.

I've had vomit in my car, caught vomit in my hand and in my dinner napkin, just to name a few. The most memorable time was at the mall when I was carrying him in a infant backpack. He vomited in my hair, down the back of my shirt, down my underwear and pants, into my socks. Thanks bud!

Not one swimming season has passed where I haven't had to rush him to the side of the pool because he swallowed some water and was about to throw up.

Luckily the older he gets the better he has been able to control himself or at least make it to the bathroom.

So while Joey was probably digging in poop last night, I was cleaning up throw up. Cole was playing with his papa and pinched his finger in a foam rocket launcher. He started crying real hard and then I was carrying him down the hall with his face dangerously close to mine as he was gagging. Oh the joys of motherhood :-)

Say my name

My mom picked Cole up from school today. On the way home they saw the aftermath of a wreck. Any time Cole sees a wreck he talks about the accident he was in with his dad several years ago. Since he was on the subject of his dad he told my mom he called him for "Faudders Day". When my mom asked him what his dad had to say, he said, "Hi buddy." Cole then said to my mom, "my dad calls me 'buddy' because he doesn't know my name." My mom assured him that his dad knew his name and Cole again insisted that his dad didn't know or remember his name.

Surfs Up

The last few weeks have been hectic and I needed a break from homework and work, so Cole and I planned a date for Saturday. I let him choose what we were going to do. He decided on dinner and a movie. We had dinner at the California Pizza Kitchen in the mall. He was on his best date behavior. As we approached the table he gestured and said, "ladies first". When the bill came he needed my card because "boys are supposed to pay" and he payed and even signed for our meal. After dinner he said, "Mom, I forgot there was one other place we needed to go...the Build-A-Bear Workshop. I've been meaning to take you there." Yeah, I bet you have. The workshop was directly across from the restaurant. We went over and he choose to make a "Cody" Penguin from the movie Surfs Up we were about to see. After making "Cody" we went to see the movie. We were sitting on the back row and right before the movie started a dad with two boys about Cole's age sat in the row in front of us. Cole said loudly, "Mom, I can't see through his big fat head!" I was laughing but wanted to crawl under the seat. Luckily the man started cracking up. Cole decided to sit on my lap, where he stayed throughout the movie. We had a great time and he already has plans for our next "date night".

Today is Father's Day which just makes me feel BLAH. I hate being the bigger person sometimes. I had Cole call his dad for Father's Day, when I first asked him if he wanted to call he said, "no thank you." His dad answered and Cole said, "Happy Father's Day...bye now." I whispered for him to talk some more, so Cole spoke for about a minute and then was ready to get off the phone. What a wonderful person he is missing out on. I'm so afraid that if I ever started dating again (don't worry I'm still not thinking about it) I would love the first person that loved my son. That's all I needed from him, just to love his own kid. Luckily, I have enough love for two parents, I just hope Cole always knows that.

per·fect (pûr'fĭkt)

adj.

1. Lacking nothing essential to the whole; complete of its nature or kind.
2. Being without defect or blemish: a perfect specimen.
3. Thoroughly skilled or talented in a certain field or area; proficient.
4. Completely suited for a particular purpose or situation: She was the perfect actress for the part.
5. Completely corresponding to a description, standard, or type.

There is a mom at my son’s daycare that puts me to shame. Every time I’m in her presence I feel like rumpled, fat, street urchin. She is the “perfect” looking mom. Her makeup is perfection. There is never a hair out of place, never a root that needs touch-up. She is model skinny. Her clothes are expensive and modern. I have never seen her in shoes other than stiletto high heels. And damn, I don’t hate her….she’s nice too. We have attended several of the same birthday parties, in fact she brought her son to Cole’s last birthday. I have even ran into her at the grocery store on the weekend and she is still well put together. I find myself wondering, does this perfection come easily? Or does she have to work at it? Has she always been perfect? Does perfection come at at cost (okay, now I'm just being petty)? Just once in my life, I would like to feel that self-confidence she must feel (I was almost there for a very brief moment as I was crossing that finish line at the Danskin, but then I saw the photographer and the insecurities came flooding back). Sigh….

She does have one blemish though, in a world of increased awareness about global warming and skyrocketing gas prices she just traded in her SUV for a …..HUMMER! See, I feel better already, nobody is perfect :-)

The Rusty Old Chicken

Last night Cole made our house a "restaurant". He was the "manager" and me, my mom, and my dad were his "workers". The name of the restaurant was the "Rusty Old Chicken" (hmmm...I think I may have eaten there before). He taught my mom how to serve him properly with correct presentation and verbal etiquette. When my dad complained about his service at the Rusty Old Chicken and demanded to see the manager, Cole defended his "workers", when my dad continued to complain Cole walked away. My dad said the manager can't walk away and Cole replied that he could do whatever he wanted as manager he can even punch "bad workers" and he proceeded to playfully punch my dad in the stomach. He then said in his deep stern voice and furrowed brow, " You are FIRED. Bug off!" He was quick to add, "just decoration fired, not real fired." He had us cracking up pretending to be the "manager", I forgot how wonderful imagination truly is, make believe is so much better than the real world.

Four words I thought I'd never say...

I am a triathlete! I finished the Danskin in 2:17:56; the 1/2 mile swim was 27 minutes, 1st transition 3:40, 12 mile bike 57:40, 2nd transition 1:29, 3 mile walk/run 47:10. My only two goals were to beat 3 hours and to finish. Not to bad for someone until two months ago, hadn't been on the bike in 15+ years, and was afraid to swim in open water. It was so moving to be out there with women of all ages and sizes. I started to tear up when my feet first touched the water and again when I was starting my bike and saw my son. When I was heading into the finish line during the run, he ran to the finish line with me (and wanted a medal :-) ) It was very hot, but definitely something I will do again. Since we trained with a group there were plenty of people we knew to cheer us on and keep us motivated. Seeing your loved ones at the end with signs, helped too!

After a shower and a nap (I was up at 3:30am) I feel pretty darn good, all things considered. Thanks for all the support and Vetmommy, Leah, and Emily...I couldn't have done it without you!

1) The Ladies---I look so tall compared to these petite ladies

2) Cole's handmade T-Rex poster for me and Leah

Weary

Wow, this has been a crazy week. I'm so tired. I started summer school this week. I've been at work at 7:00am every day, leave at 11:00 am to drive like a maniac (AKA Austinite) to school, park (yeah for summer school on-campus parking), and speed walk to class. Three days a week, after my two classes, I speed back and pick up Cole to return to work for a few more hours. Two days a week, I have a lab after class, so I don't return to work but still get home late. The end of the first week and I've already had a quiz and a test. Whew, summer school is rapid fire. One of the classes I'm in is Physics, so my dreams this week have been filled w/ Physics terminology "Coulombs, Volts, Resistance, Amperes...Z.Z.Z." The one good thing is I'm so exhausted I've been collapsing into bed at night (usually with my face buried in a Physics book).

The Danskin triathlon is the weekend. I'm so nervous. It's been hotter than hell and humid this week, so that will add some extra "fun" to the event. I'm just ready to get it over with at this point. My boss at work was supposed to compete with us but decided today she is going to back out because she didn't train enough. I say "BALKK, BAAAALKK, BAAAAAAALKKK". Good luck Vetmommy and Leah.

"My new great Dad"

This morning as I was getting ready for work, Cole came sleepily walking past me and mumbled "I had a dream about my new great Dad...can I take a bath?". I didn't ask any questions and ran him an early morning bath.

On the way to work he again mentioned he had a dream. He said he had a dream about his "new great dad. He was tall, not like my old dad. He was nice, not like my old dad, he was funny, not like my old dad, he liked to see me, not like my old dad. He calls me Cole Littlebrother because he thinks it's funny. You were in the dream too, you were laughing because my new dad is funny."

I was thinking, OMG if he says "he loves me, not like my old dad" I'm going to break down driving down the road. As it was, I was tearing up and since I was driving and I couldn't wrap my arms around him, I awkwardly snaked one arm around the seats and stroked his ankle, which was the only skin I could reach. We are like Humpty Dumpty, just trying to put the pieces back together again.

The comforts of home

Living back at home has been an interesting experience, challenging in some ways and rewarding in others. It has been a strange trip down memory lane. Cole played T-ball at the same fields that we spent so much time at as kids. I really felt like I was "home" at the fields and I'm glad that I got to share this part of my life with Cole.

We also joined the neighborhood pool that I spent most of my summers at. One of the perks of this pool, is the after-hours availabilty. Each member is giving keys to the gates for after-hour access. Tonight Cole and I headed to the pool after dinner. We had the pool to ourselves and the memories of time time spent there as a teenager came flooding back. I felt like a kid again, diving for rings and jumping off the diving board, we had a great time and I'm looking forward to spending our evenings there this summer.

We've come a long way baby

I was a horrible bike rider as a kid. I just didn't ride that much and was never very brave when I did ride. The thing that scared me the most about the triathalon was getting back on a bike. As we have continued to practice I've slowly become more comfortable. I still have to calm myself down when I'm on a road with cars, but I can already tell I'm getting physically stronger.

Before I had kids, I would always think about the things I would love to do with them when I was a parent. One of those things was riding bikes together, but I figured I'd never do this since I hadn't been on a bike in years.

Since Cole's school closed early today, I knew I would be getting out of work early. Last night I loaded our bikes up on the car and as soon as I picked him up, we headed to the Veloway.

He looked so grown up and cute in his helmet and sunglasses. We rode the entire 3 mile loop (it took 40 minutes but he finished). We had a great time. Cole took a couple spills careening down the hills and ended up with a scraped knee. But, each time he got back up and kept on. He made it up all the small hills, pumping his legs and his face scrunched up in concentration. The steep heel (that only a month ago, I couldn't make it up) he had to get off and push. His favorite part was riding through the water puddles.

We've both come so far this year.

MACH 3

I need a weekend to recover from my weekend. This weekend was jammed packed. Both mornings started out with open water 1/2 mile swims in preparation for the triathalon that is a mere three weeks away...GULP.

During the swim on Saturday we also practiced the group mass start that will be a part of the swimming on race day. Nothing like try to swim while you are being kicked, scratched, and people are swimming on top of your legs, while you gulp down mouthfuls of lukewarm algae green lake water. After the swim, I rushed to Cole's T-ball tournament game. Then I had to shop for a new swimsuit which is about as much fun as having my fingernails ripped out one-by-one. Then we went to a fair at the ballpark.

Sunday morning another open-water swim at a great lake in Pflugerville, it was pfun to swim with pfriends. I need to continue to practice in the open water to ease my anxiety of not being able to see or touch the bottom. We rushed back home to shower and then headed to Cole's T-ball end of the season party. I hate this type of things. I always feel awkard and hate making small talk. The dads were all grouped together outside, the moms inside. I spent the entire 3 hours playing with all the kids. The last several hours we all played baseball, talk about a great work-out. One adult vs. 8 kids, I was running and jumping all over the place. Then Cole and I had to head to my work. We have a big inspection coming up tomorrow. We worked for about 3 1/2 hours, I was exhausted (not to mention sore from swimming and running with the kids). After getting home and bathing Cole, I collapsed into bed, in seconds it seemed the alarm was going off again.

I worked all day today, left for Cole's last game (he's sad that he won't see his coach again), and returned to work for another 3 hours. So much for relaxing before summer school starts. I guess this is just a jammed pack time of year. After the inspection at work in the morning, hopefully things will slow down some.

Graduation

Cole graduated from Pre-K today. My mom and I went to his graduation "ceremony" it was cute. Of course, I watched with tears in my eyes (I'm such a sap). He looked so cute in his dress clothes. As soon as he was dressed, he twirled his tie around his finger and said, "Now I look like a man going to work." LOL.

Now this summer he can go on field trips with the "after school kids". He is so excited. Only a few more months now before "real school begins."

Go class of 2007!

Happy Mother's Day

At Cole's pre-K the after-school kids helped his class write why they loved their moms. Here is what Cole said...

My mom is smart because...she knows how to clean the toilet

My mom is the greatest because...she drinks all her milk and because when I throw sticky worms on the celing she gets them down

Happy "Mudders" Day!

I wish I had all the answers

This afternoon I had my last final of the semester. I was done by 1:00 pm and picked Cole up from school during nap time. I sat next to him and kissed his cheek, he lazily opened his eyes and pulled me down for a hug and said "lets get outta of here." We headed to his future "big boy school" to register him for Kindergarten.

He was sleepily telling me about his few hours at school and then he got silent. In a sleepy, one octive away from a whine or crying voice, he said out of the blue, "Why doesn't my dad come to see me?" My heart broke. Whenever he asks about him, I always carefully weigh my answers. I reminded him that his dad moved to New York. He said, "how could my dad move and not see me anymore?" I said his dad moved to be close to his family. "Why doesn't my dad call me?" I don't know how to respond, because your dad is a cold-hearted bastard that can't love anyone...no mom can't say that. I told him that I have his dad's number and he could call him. He thought for a moment and then said, "Maybe tomorrow. I'm going to ask him how come he can't visit me." I said that I was sorry. He asked what I was sorry for. I couldn't answer, sorry that complete strangers can love his son but he was never able to, sorry that his dad completely abandoned financially and emotionally his own child, sorry that I've had to fight tooth and nail to make his dad take some responsibility for him, sorry that his dad still can't be bothered to call, can't be bothered to put mail an insurance card for his son, sorry that his dad can't be there take on some of the hardwork of parenting, sorry that his dad can't support Cole as he experiences all the new things in life, where does this list of things I'm sorry for end?

Most of all I'm sorry that Cole at some point will wonder if any of this is his fault. The older he gets the harder the questions and answers will become. As a mother I want to spare Cole from any pain and while I know this is not possible, I can't imagine how he will feel being abandoned by a parent. As he gets older and is figuring out who he is as a person, how will this impact him? As much I try I can't me both mother and father. Watching a 'good' father play and interact with his kids is bittersweet and unbearably sad.

Vacation Pics

We are back from vacation :-( Everyone had a great time.

On Thursday we visited Disney World Animal Kingdom. They have so many interesting attractions. The details they put into each ride is amazing. The dinosaur ride was fun and scary. Cole was gripped onto us for dear life. The day was hot and Cole was starting to drag, so we decided to brave the water ride. Cole met a 'friend' in line and they held hands and talked non-stop and of course we had to ride together. They both want brothers and were so cute together. After the water ride, Cole was refreshed and ready to do for the remainder of the day. The last thing we did was a behind the scenes tour of how they take care of the animals which was very interesting. We even got to see the veterinary hospital on-site. We were tired by the end of the day (not to mention the aching feet). We cooled off in the hotel pool while Cole slide down the water slide a zillion times, so much for relaxing.

On Friday we went to the Magic Kingdom. This park is so big it is unbelievable. We rented a stroller, since on Thursday I carried Cole (on my shoulder, on my hips, on my back) a fair portion of the day. At the entrance to the park I had a major heart attack. We were there for the opening countdown and there was a mad rush through the ticket gates. My mom was ahead of us because she was headed for the stroller rental. Cole was next and through the gate in a flash. The ticket agent had stopped me to let in a stroller. Cole was lost in literally hundreds of people. I begged the agent to open my gate, while he just passively looked at me. Once I was through I went running through the crowd. Luckily I saw my mom looking back for me. It seems Cole had kept his eye on her and had ran straight to her. WHEW!

Magic Kingdom was awesome! Each area was like a city of it's own. The costumes the ride attendants wore were perfect for each ride. We visited each section. There is a good mix of old and new attractions. The wait times for rides were always less than the posted times and they have a great 'fast pass' system. You can put your ticket into 'fast pass' machine on a ride that has a long wait time. You get a card with a posted hour time frame to return to the ride. Then you by-pass the line and get straight on. It's so much fun walking by hundreds of people to hop on a ride.

It was so hot, I couldn't imagine visit the park during the summer. We were at the park from 9am to 6pm and were wiped out by then.

I felt luckily because throughout the entire trip we saw so many kids having total meltdowns (especially at the theme parks in the heat), but Cole was a trooper through everything. He had a great time and when we asked him what his favorite part of the trip was he says "everything!"

We heard accents from so many parts of the country and around the world. It was amazing.

Cole had saved all of his birthday money for the vacation and he bought a ton of stuff back, Mickey, "Fluto", Scooby Doo, pirate toys, space toys, dinosaurs to name just a few. I think he'll remember this trip for a long time. We will absolutely go again, someday.

Vacation Update

The pirate cruise was a blast last night. It was two hours of non-stop fun. They had wonderful activities planned for the kids; water gun battles, story time, treasure hunt, face painting, and dancing...LOTS of dancing. Cole did the YMCA, the chicken dance, the electric slide and freestyle. He's made friends everywhere we have gone and enjoyed playing with the kids.

Today was for beach and pool time. I think I'll be finding sand for weeks to come. We took some time to go to a Holocaust musuem which was very moving and educational for Cole.

Tonight we went to a pirate party at our resort. Cole volunteered to be a pirate in training and as part of his initiation a dad (of the other two pirates in training) and I had to have a dance off. I won! We looked so funny. Cole was lauging and pointing at me the entire time.

We are heading out early in the morning for Disney Animal Kindom and on Friday we will be at Disney World. Only a few more days of vacation left.

"Bacation"

I'm blogging from sunny St. Petersburg, Florida. We arrived Sunday night and have been going nonstop since. My mom has been in classes all day, so Cole and I have had the days to ourselves. We've peddled the paddle boats, played putt-putt, explored, slid on 3-story water slide, swam in the pool, dug for "treasure" at the beach, splashed in the ocean and have had so much fun. Tonight we are going on a "pirate cruise", which Cole is really looking forward to. We have one day left at the beach before we head to Orlando for Disney World.

Cole has perfect skin and is already turning a beautiful shade of brown. Despite liberally applying SPF 50 sunblock I'm burnt. My shoulders and back have taken the brunt of the sun, so today I wore a T-shirt all day. Luckily it isn't a painful sunburn. Tomorrow I will remain covered up again.

The beach here is beautiful and we have seen Dolphins every day. There are millions of shells and the water is clear. I got up early and went for a morning jog on the beach today. The water is a little chilly but perfect once you get in and splash around. You do have to be careful for stingrays (you're supposed to do the 'stingray shuffle'), but luckily we haven't seen any thus far.

This has been a great vacation. Boy I really needed to relax and have fun. I don't want this week to end :-(

Senseless

As I was walking in the doors of my American Literature class today, administrators came out from the woodwork shouting "Evacuate the building, there has been a bomb threat. Don't stop to collect your things, leave now!" This is the second bomb threat at Texas State in the last few weeks. The last threat was on Friday, when I'm not on campus. I casually went back down the four flights of stairs I had just ascended. It's the boy who cried wolf. No one takes this seriously. Some dumb student who probably didn't study for a test makes an empty threat because he/she knows the schools will have to take them seriously, especially after the recent shootings at Virginia Tech. Senseless violence and threats of violence make me so mad. I just don't understand people sometimes. The world is a scary place.

I wonder how much tax dollars this empty threat cost? The building was closed for four hours, police tape put up, campus and local police on site, SWAT team, fire and rescue teams too. The majority of students were mad, but a few were cheering and I just kept thinking "Man are you shallow and stupid." The sad thing is that people become so numb to these things that if god forbid it happens for real, no one will take it seriously.

At least I only have 1 more day of school left until finals, so I hopefully won't have to put up with this nonsense much longer.

"Dumb Ask"

Dozier, my parent's morbidly obese dog is always underfoot. He is often called names by everyone in the house. At dinner time he likes to lay under Cole's chair. The other night at dinner he kept bumping Cole's chair and Cole said "Move Dozier you dumb ask". When I asked him what he called Dozier he said, "Dumb ask". His mispronunciation was funny, guess he thinks that is what people say. Kids truly do hear everything people say.

Since the title of this post is "dumb ask" this applies too. In an earlier post I had mentioned that Cole's dad had called 4 days before his birthday. During that call he had mentioned he had already sent a package along with Cole's insurance card (since I have now paid around $1400 for insurance since September when he started being covered under R's plan, but no card, no proof). He said he "couldn't remember what day" he mailed the package but it was the previous week "he thought". I knew he was lying. Why? Because he was opening his mouth. Surprise, surprise there still hasn't been a package. He better be careful because very soon, Cole will remember his lies....luckily right now he is still blissfully unaware.

I'm sad for Cole when I see how much he really responds to men. He LOVES his baseball coach. He always rushes out so say hi when we arrive, seeks out high-fives, hugs onto his legs, and hugs him bye. Bless his coach, he really pays Cole special attention without making it obvious. My eternal question will always be, why can others love Cole but not his own dad?

Coming or Going

Leah and I started training with our group for the Triathalon. Each day we have a set work out to do and we meet our group twice a week. While I like knowing what to do and how long to do it each day, finding time has been rough. My days are already so full this has just been a lot of work fitting work outs in.

Monday night we were supposed to swim for 30 minutes. Just our luck the YMCA that we belong to is re-doing it's pool until this end of April. We thought about swimming at a local outdoor heated pool, but it's closed for cleaning. Next we were going to go to another outdoor heated pool, it closed too early. Finally we decided on going to a pool at another gym that Leah belongs to. They were open late (I couldn't go until Cole was in bed and Leah had a dance class). We get to the pool at 8:45pm. I arrive and Leah is standing outside, looking mad. The PH was off in the pool and they had closed it at 8:00! We both wanted to give up. So here we are standing outside a gym at a quarter till 9:00 pm. We both had been up since 5:00 am and hadn't stopped since. Leah still had an hour drive home and I still had a test to study for. We called the downtown YMCA and found out that pool was open until 9:45 pm. We looked at each other for a long moment, jumped into my car and sped over there. Yeah it was open! It was a great pool, and not busy that time of night, duh! We were happy to finally be in the water and even happier to keep to our workout schedule. Yeah us!

The next night we were supposed to bike for 30 minutes. Leah got up before work and rode and I rode in the rain soaked streets in the evening, praying I wouldn't fishtail around the turns. We have been calling to check up on each other.

The bonus is I'm done with school in a few weeks, so hopefully I will have a little more free time.