GOOD BYE 2005!

Well, 2005 is officially over...thank god! 2006 HAS GOT to be a better year for me. 2005 was not good for my personal life. It was just a challenging year. My marriage was failing and I agonized over whether or not to end it or continue for the sake of our son. I'm sad to say that I could have lived without him being a husband to me, but I needed him to be a father and when that need couldn't be met, it was the deal breaker. It was so hard going to work everyday and trying to carry on as normal when you are dying inside. Especially, when you are a manager and are supposed to act like nothing EVER bothers you (afraid I didn't do such a great job of that at times). The last few months before the decision was made was awful. I felt like such a failure and a disappointment. Luckily the support of my family and the love of my son kept me going. Once, we had moved out the sense of relief was bittersweet. In some ways, I still can't believe I was strong enough to enter the new phase on my own. Luckily, our son didn't blink an eye through all the moving and changes. He is the only thing that keeps me sane. Just listening to him and experiencing new things with him, keeps me going and laughing. If I had to do over the past few years I would, because Cole was worth all the heartbreak. I look forward to what the new year will bring for Cole and I. I'm very content with me life right now and feel none of the desperation to be involved with someone that I did when I was in my twenties. I want to just enjoy this time being a mommy.