Cat-er-cise

I have a fat cat named Bandit. He is seven years old and weighs 18 pounds. He has had a very rough time since we moved in with my parents. He has never really liked dogs, when he had our dog Bullet, they tolerated each other and lived peacefully because they generally ignored each other.

Since we have moved he stays exclusively in one corner of the house. He stays in my room, Cole's room, or the bathroom which are all adjacent to each other at the end of the hallway. The few times he has tried to venture out he has gotten into a fight with my mom's male dog. He has to eat in my room and they dogs even go in there and bother him, so we are constantly trying to put up baby gates, put the food in high locations, etc. He has been so stressed out he was tearing out patches of hair, every day I would come home to a new bald spot. Before we moved he would play with Toad, since we moved Toad has made friends with my mom's cat and spends the majority of the day chasing and playing with her (as well as, sharing her food and litter box). Toad could care less about the dogs and has truly made my parent's house his own...including sleeping with them in bed. Most days Bandit sits at then door to the bathroom where he can see down the hallway and just stares, he looks so mournful. He gets zero exercise. The moment we enter the bedroom he is starved for attention and WILL NOT leave you alone. I feel sorry for him but when you are trying to do homework he is very annoying. He just mops around day after day.

Last night I had washed my sheets and was making the bed. He was like a torpedo diving over, under and through a sea of teal sheets. He was so funny. I haven't seen him move like that in years. We played for a good thirty minutes, he would gently attack my hands and do somersaults under the covers. So now I know if I want him to get any exercise I will just have to change my sheets daily!

The Spirit of Giving

I love to volunteer and give back to others. Despite my own personal melodrama, I'm always aware of how good my life truly is and I am truly thankful for my family and friends. This as been one of the worst years personally for me, but the love and support of my family and friends has brought renewed clarity on what I have to be thankful for.

Today we went to the Chuy's Children Giving to Children Parade where you bring a new gift to donate to Blue Santa. This is the second year we have participated in that. I really want to teach Cole to give to others. He really enjoys picking out a gift to give and donating it.

There are so many charities and organizations and so little time to choose what to do and for whom. I also really want to support our troops. My mom and I donated some tolietries for care packages, but I wanted to do more. I found a website www.troopcarepackage.com that will assign you a soldier(s) to support directly. I asked for two. I've been assigned two troops (a male and a female) both stationed in Iraq. You are encouraged to send letters to the troops. I will let Cole help with this project, as well, I know he will enjoy it. I also found a cool website where you can donate money to a charity of your choice (and receive a bracelet), I donated to the Homes For Our Troops that helps provide housing for our severely disabled returning soldiers www.gi-bracelet.org. I was also sent an e-mail from one of our vendors at work to a cool website www.letssaythanks.com where you can send a postcard to troops stationed overseas.

So this holiday season, look beyond yourself. Giving to others is truly the gift that keeps on giving.

Dance Fever

After a hectic day at work yesterday one of the girls suggested that we go to the Broken Spoke www.brokenspokeaustintx.com last night, since we didn't have to work today. I decided to go because I had been wanting to take Cole.

Cole was so excited. He picked out his "cowboy shirt" and put on his new cowboy boots and even asked his Granny for some of Papa's cologne. He was the best looking, smelling, and sweetest date I've had in years. As soon as we got there he hit the dance floor, I don't think we sat out one song. He would point at me and say "Let's go dance." He even danced with all the ladies from our table. Towards the end only me and one of the other girls (Amy) were his partners of choice. We all three had to dance together several times. He wanted to "slow dance" with me once and I held him, with his head on my shoulder as we twirled around the floor. When the band took a ten minute break he crawled up onto my lap and went fast asleep. I had a great time and will definitely have to take my "date" out dancing again soon. I know he'll want to go again because the very first sleepy words out of his mouth this morning were "Can we go to the dance place again today?"

Happy Thanksgiving!

There is a first time for everything.

First time I've blogged twice in one day and the first time I've put pictures in my blog. Yeah for me! Here are some pictures of Cole in his hockey gear and on the ice. The first picture he is the little weeble-wobble in the front of the line. He shoots, he scores! He did actually make a "goal" (actually shooting at a goalie stationed between two oranges cones).

Parents Behaving Badly

Everyone has seen those video clips of dads coming to blows at pee-wee sports event. Last night I almost got to witness the mom version. I took Cole to go see http://www.happyfeetmovie.com. We went to a 7:00 pm show and it was very crowded. Apparently a mom that was there with a teenaged son and 6 or 7 little kids had arrived early and saved enough seats for their entire group. They had laid jackets on all the chairs and asked a woman sitting in the adjacent seat to help make sure no one sat there. She went back to the concession stand and came back with all those kids and two trays heaped with snacks and drinks to find their jackets on the floor and their seats taken. She started yelling at the woman for not saving her the seats and other lady started yelling back insults and the word "bitch" were screamed back and forth. All this at a kids movies, jeez. Finally the woman with the troop of kids and mountains of food, stormed off and the only seats they could find together were in the second row. Both people were at fault, but I couldn't believe how they acted. I was a good six or so rows back and could hear every insult being traded. Wow!

On the plus side, other than the fact the theatre was hotter than Hades, both Cole and I enjoyed the movie. They had great songs and wonderfully detailed characters and background, the modern of modern computer animation. We always sit on the end of a back row and Cole spent a good portion of the movie up dancing. So if you are looking for a good way to entertain the kiddos for a few hours, go see Happy Feet. Hopefully, you won't have to see a "pre-show" fight.

When we die

Tonight at dinner I was telling my mom about a doctor's mom at work that is gravely ill and probably will pass away before the end of the week. Cole piped up and said, "Why is Dr. _____, going to die?" I said it wasn't him it was his mom and she was very old and sick. I said people eventually get old and then they die. He looked right at my mom and said, "Granny is very old". We cracked up. Then he said, "when she dies we will bury her and then the sharks will eat her." Guess, we are having an at sea burial.

The other funny thing was when doing his homework tonight he zoned out. I called his name and he said, "Cole has left the building." Ah, he makes me laugh.

Sunday we took pictures at Zilker Botanical Gardens. Take a peek and give me your opinion, I HATE making decisions.

http:www.paigmorrisonphotography.com/KareenLittleFeather.html

WHOOOOHOOO!

Today the first wage garnishment for child support hit my account! It wasn't much, only about 40% of what he'll owe me every month, but something is better than nothing. After months and months of struggling, phone calls with the Attorney General, and red-tape there is finally something to show for my effort. He may have emotionally and physically abandoned Cole, but he can't completely financially abandon him (unless he quits working...but only positive thoughts). My plan is to put 100% of it into savings, since I'm living @ home now. It would be so wonderful to have a little padding financially for the first time. So for now, I'm thankful that if you follow the rules the system can help you.

Parenting Advice

It seems like anyone is ready to dish their unsolicited parenting advice at a moment's notice. Now don't get me wrong. I want, need, and appreciate advice. I read many articles, books, websites, have asked advice from my pediatrician, family, friends, teachers, etc. There are some people, however, I just smile and nod as they give me advice. This week a co-worker went off on the fact that Cole is in hockey. She said numerous things, one thing that struck me as the funniest was that I should "just let him watch hockey on TV instead of wasting my money letting him play." Gee thanks, that's great advice, setting him in front of the TV instead of physical activity, I'll take that under consideration. I've had people tell me, "You'll make him gay" because he takes gymnastics/dance at daycare. He will be a "momma's boy" because I'm not married. Now I will be the first to admit that I've made mistakes and will continue to make mistakes along the way. That is how you learn to parent. No one is perfect, but making him a "momma's boy" or "sitting him in front of the TV" is advice I'll choose to ignore. Before I had Cole, I thought I knew how I wanted to parent, but the truth is nothing in life goes as plans. You have to be willing to be creative, flexible, patient, firm yet yielding, loving, and tireless to be a parent, even then the job isn't done.

After all...."Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare" - Ed Asner

The Pillsbury Dough Boy

Today was Cole's first day of actual hockey class. He has been taking hockey/skating lessons since May and today marked the first day of hockey class. We went to get him fitted for all his equipment today. I know NOTHING about hockey, so I was more nervous than Cole, I wasn't sure I'd even be able to get all that gear on him by myself. He's so small and even some of the smallest equipment is slightly too big. He has to wear breezers (hockey pants), a cup (the sight of that tiny jock strap just sent me into a fit of laughter), shin pads (which are too big, he can barely bend his legs), elbow pads, a neck guard, shoulder pads, a practice jersey, a helmet w/ full face shield, a mouth piece, hockey gloves, skates, and a stick...yes someone is silly enough to give my four-year-old a stick. The man fitting the equipment asked if he needed a left or right handed stick, I didn't even know there was a difference. I said Cole was right-handed but he had him hold a stick and said, he needed a left-handed one. Ummm, okay I thought. He cut about 3 feet off a stick, added some athletic tape, threw all the gear in a bag so big, I will need an SUV to haul it around and off we went.

Once it was time for his class it was my turn to try to remember how to put everything on. I swear it took my at least 15 minutes. He looked so funny. Here is thirty-five pound child wearing at least 5 pounds of bulky hockey equipment. He could barely move. Once he was on the ice, he had to re-learn how to stand up again. It's a entirely different feel trying to stand up with all that equipment (especially when you can't bend your legs too well) and holding a stick. We quickly realized the guy was wrong and Cole does need a right-handed stick--URGHH. His previous classes had been 30 minute sessions and this class is a full hour. He hung in there though. His favorite teacher Miss Angie came in about halfway through the session, so he got some one-on-one attention, which he loves. The last few minutes of practice they let them skate around and play tag and bump each other. Cole likes to bump others but when someone bumped him and he fell, he cried. A lean mean fighting machine he's not. After the tears were gone, he got back up and finished practice. He was soaking with sweat when he came off the ice, but smiling so that's all that matters. Well, I guess all we need now is a right-handed stick. Oh, and a SUV to haul all that stuff around.

The cats did it

Tonight I had to make four turkey/snowmen for my music play tomorrow---don't ask. Cole was helping. I left the room for a minute and when I came back Cole had a perfectly straight vertical cut line in the collar of his t-shirt and a pair of scissors (not his kid scissors that he had been using moments before) laying suspiciously next to his right hand. When I asked him what happened, he said the "cats scratched his shirt" when I said I don't think so, he changed his story to the "cats bit his shirt". I asked if he was sure he didn't cut his shirt and he shook his head, no. I pointed out the fairly obvious fact that there were not any cats in the room and he changed his story to "the snowman did it". Hiding my smile and holding back the laugh, I told him that I wouldn't be angry if he told the truth and asked him what a lie was. After his rather rambling explanation I asked him the truth again, and with downcast eyes he explained "the scissors accidentally cut his shirt." No really? I thanked him for telling the truth and we finished our project.

One other funny note. I brought Cole home a flower today because someone was going to throw out a wilted Gerber daisy at work. Cole often brings me flowers that he picked from the playground, so I decided to give him one instead. He was happy and said it was our "married flowers". He was going to give it to me on our "married day" and we would stand in front of the man and he would say, "Do you take this woman?" I started cracking up. I asked him where he knew this from and he said from "Clifford the Big Red Dog". I guess they must have watched an episode at daycare on one of their monthly movie days that showed that.

Glorious Fall

I love this time of year. The weather becomes colder and the start of the holiday's are about to begin.

Yesterday was a beautiful day. Cole and I took Anna and Colin, Dr. Martin's kids to the park and to the Austin Zoo. She had to work and her husband was out of town and needed someone to watch the kiddos. I eagerly volunteered. I had several people ask me if I was crazy, volunteering to have three children for the morning. I wanted to say, "Hello people, this IS what I want to do for my life." We picked them up from work and went to the park for an hour. It was so much fun watching their imaginations and creativity at play. Collin is the youngest and had no trouble keeping up with the other two. Then we headed off to the zoo. I gave my rules before I left the car, "Stay together, no running, hold hands, no fingers on the cages (you are up pretty close to the cages, no yelling etc.)". I let the kids take turn being "line leader" so there were no arguments. They were all very well behaved. There were no fights, no whining, and no out of control children all day. We all had a great time. We got to feed the animals at the petting zoo (fun for even the big kid - me) and ride the train. They were so eager waiting for the train we all made up silly songs, to kill time. Cole really enjoyed having kids to pal around with for the day and I was relaxed and glad I didn't have to be his constant play companion.

Today we carved pumpkins. Cole loved scraping and pulling out the nasty pumpkin innards. Then he drew about five faces around his pumpkin. I let him use the "pokey" carving tool to punch in the outline of his faces and then I carved them out and let him push them through. We then created my pumpkin that I will take to work. We had such a great time. We were sitting on the back porch enjoying the beautiful weather for hours. I love creating traditions. I had never carved a pumpkin until I had Cole. We never did that as kids (my mom never did as a kid, either). However, since Cole was a baby we have carved pumpkin every year. Guess that's one good thing Cole's dad taught me, how to carve a pumpkin. I'll take the good memories where I can get them, I guess.

Braggin' and then URRRGGH!

Most nights after dinner, we sit down to do Cole's homework. He usually has to trace letters, match rhyming words, do simple math, etc. I'm lucky because I hear most mom's complaining their child doesn't want to do their work, or worse they refuse to do work at home, so they moms don't make them (great message to teach them in their early learning). I've heard some strong opinions about homework for Pre-K, but I personally don't see a problem with it. It starts early good habits and requires the parent's to work with their kids, which sadly doesn't happen enough. Luckily, Cole enjoys his homework, sometimes it's hard to keep him from working ahead. I love to see the look of joy in his face when he works through his assignment. Luckily the assignments are generally short, because it is hard to keep a four-year-old focused for too long.

Tonight as I was giving him his bath, I was looking at him thinking the evening over and how lucky I am. I was thinking about what a big boy he has become. While we get dinner ready, he sets the table for us. After playing each night, he picks his room up without complaint (okay so maybe some of the toys are just stashed under his bed, but the floor is clean). He bathes himself at bathtime, brushes his own teeth (and then I repeat with instructions in espanol), washes his own hair and gets on his pj's. After I read him two books he quietly goes off to bed. Oops, did I say quietly?

Not tonight, he had a mini pouty session because he wanted to watch a movie. Seems he must have known I was planning on blogging about what a big boy he was and didn't want to make my story too good to be true :-)

Clarity

Well, the decision finally came to me about working two jobs. I had read Dr. 26's comment and it really hit home for me (the funny thing was she was worried about upsetting me, when she really just clarified my feelings). The next day I was leaving my math test and as I opened the door to the bright sunshine and started my hurried rush to go pick up Cole, I said to myself, "that's it I'm not taking the job." For the first time in weeks I could suddenly breathe easily again. I had a spring in my step. I decided to take out more student loans (yikes) to alleviate the worry over next semester.

The call to the EC didn't go so well and I REALLY hate disappointing people, but sometimes you got to do what is right for yourself. And boy was I glad that after my 5 hour Saturday work session, I didn't have to head over to the EC for an 8 hour shift. I was doubly glad on Sunday when I spent the entire day throwing up and staying in bed, I had previously been scheduled for an 8 hour shift then, too. I was so sick on Sunday that my mom had to take Cole to hockey alone, which made me feel miserable. There is no way I could go off to work every Sunday and miss hockey.

So thanks everyone for your words of advice and wisdom. Being a single parent, full-time employee, and part-time student is more than enough for me. So next time I think crazy thoughts about taking on YET more stress, don't be afraid to tell me I'm CRAZY!

Panic Attack

I think I had a panic attack this afternoon. I've never had one, so I don't know what one feels like per say. I've been toying with the idea of working part-time at the animal emergency clinic. I interviewed several weeks ago and shadowed for a shift. I was considering relief work or weekend shifts. They actually offered me a full-time position, but right now that wouldn't be very beneficial to me. They explained the con's of part time (fast paced, difficult to learn, etc.) but I stressed again that I could only do part-time for now. They called back and said they were still interested and would have to look at the shifts.

This afternoon they called and said they want me to start on Saturday. They wanted me there @ 1:00 pm. However, I have a mandatory "Strategic Planning Session" from 1:30 pm - 6:00 pm on Saturday for my full-time job. So now I get to do that as planned, then go work a shift at the EC and then work at the EC from 8:00 am - 6:00 pm on Sunday, as well. WHAT AM I THINKING? AM I CRAZY? The idea of it sound good, but the reality?... can I handle extra stress? During the week I feel like I barely get to spend any time with Cole. We leave at 6:20 in the morning, are home almost every day after 6:00 pm and then there is dinner, dishes, homework for Cole, and bathtime, not much room for just enjoying each other. The weekends are the only real quality time we get to share. This also means I will have to miss his hockey lesson on Sunday, oh and my own studying/homework FORGET ABOUT IT.

I'm only interested in working part-time because next semester I will be working full-time M, W, F and EVERY Saturday and going to school full-time T&TH from 8:00 am - 5:00 pm (actually Tuesday's until 7:00 pm). This means although I will be full-time, it will be 35 hours vs. the 40+ I've worked (and am budgeted on) for the past 4 years, plus increased tuition since I will be taking 17 hours. I need to save money for school and bills for next semester.

I feel slightly better since I got a letter from the Attorney General saying they located the ex's employer and will begin to garnish his wages ('bout damn time). However, that will only work if he keeps that job and he's already proven that is not a priority in his life, so I can't count on anything.

So there I sat this afternoon, outside of daycare, paralyzed with fear, trying to catch my breath. Can I do this? Can I give up my weekends with Cole? If so how long? I hate to have someone else have to take care of him. Can I live with myself, having my mom be responsible for him on the weekends? Will she go crazy? Will I? Am I? Where is my crystal ball? I'm supposed to call the EC after my Sunday shift to let them know what I think and talk about shifts. They have an 8:00 pm to 2:00am weekend shift, I can do that....I think. Spend the days with Cole and still go to hockey and then go to work. Hope it's open???? Know any rich dying single men out there??? Just kidding....I think. Breathe, Breathe, Breathe.

In memory of,

I received a wonderful gift today at work. Leah gave me a shadow box with a picture of Al, his collar and his paw print. It was perfect. I couldn't open it in front of everyone looking at me and the day was hellacious, so I didn't have a chance to close the door and look at it until late in the day, but it was worth the wait. After a day like today I needed something to take my mind off of work. When I showed it to Cole, his eyes became as big as saucers, and he said in a whisper, "Mommy it's Alby, it's Alby. Look there is his collar and his footprint." He hugged the shadow box and said "I sure miss Alby, he was a good boy, I loved him." He asked where I got it and when I said Leah made it, he wanted to call her "right away" and thank her. So thanks Leah, you brightened both of our days and now we have something that we will always cherish in addition to our memories.

Night school

Monday through Friday we leave the house at 6:15 am. It is pitch dark. After getting ready myself, making breakfast for us both (okay so it's more like gathering, than making) and dress a slumbering Cole and lug him out into the car. This morning as I was setting him in his seat, he cracked open one eye and sleepily mumbled, "Mommy, I'm tired of waking up to go to school every night.". Me too, me too.

Birthday wind-down

Saturday was my birthday. I’m officially 31, whoopee! 30 didn’t bother me, but 31? jeez, I’m getting old. My birthday started out, the way all birthdays should (insert drum roll here) with a garage sale. Nothing says happy birthday like waking up at before the sun rises and having people mill around the old crap you don’t want anymore trying to bargain down your already low prices. But, at least the garage sale is done, I didn’t get rid of my washer & dryer but I’m going to donate them to a local animal rescue group. The scary and exciting thing is that when Cole and I eventually move out, we will be starting over basically from scratch. We will have beds and dishes and not much else. It really will be a new beginning.

I had plans to go out to the Broken Spoke a C&W bar that night. I knew I’m officially old when I needed to take a nap, if I was going to be staying out late. So Cole and I took a nap and then woke up to open presents and have cake. My present from Cole was perfect. He picked out a ring that had a pink heart shaped gemstone and the band of the ring says “I love you”. My mom said he had picked out the ring because of the pink heart, but when she told him it said “I love you”, he had to get it for me. I’m proud of him because this is the first time, he kept his gift a secret, too! He wants me to where the ring on my “married finger” and I proudly put it on. That’s the only man’s ring I’d ever put on that finger again, anyway :-). My parent’s got me a watch and some birthday money that I will try VERY hard to spend on only myself, we will see.

Saturday night Leah took me to dinner and then we met some co-workers at the Broken Spoke. Before we got there, I was thinking to myself that there was no way I was going to dance, but I did dance and had a great time. I don’t like to drink but other people think you can’t have fun if you don’t drink, so I nursed a beer all night, my friend Paige kept pouring me “phantom” refills from the pitcher. The funniest thing all night was my boss, who danced to almost every song with the ladies from our table. He would just tap someone on the shoulder and head on out. He was a pretty good dancer, too. Everyone dances different and it’s difficult to learn what each person is doing, but he would show you each time and off you’d go. I actually danced with everyone, even Leah twice! The first trip out to the floor, I was having a moment of a panic attack, because I’m really uncomfortable with the whole touching, personal space thing. On the way out, it dawned on me that I used to LOVE dancing and just told my self to relax and have a good time. The biggest surprise of the night was Shawn showed up at the Broken Spoke. Here is this heavy metal, longhaired, guy in his C&W shirt dancing the two-step and cracking up and having a great time, what a site. One of the funniest things was Travis, who was dressed in a western shirt and jeans, boots, a big silver longhorn belt buckle and a western belt. I looked at the belt and the name on the back said, “Jimmy”. I laughed so hard. He bought the belt at Savers, a discount store for three dollars. A belt with someone else’s name, too funny! Anyway, all in all, it was a great birthday.

My brother’s birthday is on Tuesday, so we had our combined dinner out on Sunday. We had to take two cars because Cole had hockey afterwards. Cole wanted to ride in the “boy’s car” and made the “boys” sit on the same side of the table at the restaurant. He loves my brother and was sitting on his lap at dinner (and hey I got to eat using both of my hands and with no one half leaning/sitting on me). It was really sweet to see Cole, “male bonding”. I can’t wait until he’s a little older and can go golfing or spend the day with them.
Well, at least the weekend brought me out a little from the funk I’ve been in. So thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday and helped me celebrate!

Weekend recap

Yesterday, my mom and I took Cole to the Inner Space Caverns in Georgetown. He had a great time. It was pretty Cole and the cavern is a "living" cavern, still being formed today. It was found in the 60's when the highway department was doing core samples for the interstate. I was amazed how much Cole loved it and listened to what the tour guide was saying. Once we got to the end of the cavern and turned back, he told us all kinds of things that the tour guide had said 30 minutes before. He retained more information than I did. Even last night at bed he was still talking in detail about the caverns. It was also, surreal walking 50 feet below the interstate. The world is an amazing place.

Last night Cole was playing away in the bath tub and then he stopped and started asking questions about Al. Why did he die? Why can't he come back alive, like in "All Dogs Go To Heaven"? Why can't he stay with us? He said Al was the best cat ever. He even asked if I was going to die, I chickened out and side-stepped that question by getting him out of the tub. There is no good answer to that question.

Then today Cole saw the scrapbook that I created when he was a baby. We were going through each page and he was describing each picture to me. Me and him at Halloween, his first airplane ride. Several pictures of Cole and Al. We got to a picture of Randy holding him awkwardly on a chair and Cole said "this is me and, me and, mommy who is that with me?" At first I thought maybe he was kidding, so I waited and he was just looking at me waiting for an answer. I said, "baby that's you and Daddy." He looked again and said okay and then moved on to the other pictures. My heart broke. The sad thing it was a normal picture of his dad and he really didn't recognize him. I have nothing more to say. Sigh!

Joy to sorrow and the road in between

Thursday afternoon I was sitting in class and my cell phone kept vibrating in my pocket. I thought maybe Cole's school was trying to reach me, so I stepped outside to check my messages. It was a girl from work calling to say that the local animal shelter called saying my cat Al had been found. I had micochipped him the weekend before I moved back home and they scanned him and called my work. Another girl from work offered to go get him for me since I was in San Marcos, but since the shelter didn't close until 7pm, I said I would get him on the way home, after I picked up Cole.

I was so excited he'd been found. He had been missing almost a month. I really hadn't told many people. I'm so tired of the constant turmoils in my own life and I know other people don't want to hear them either. Anyway... after a month I had kinda of given up hope. At my parent's house he had free access to a doggie door and acres of greenbelt. The first week or so he would venture outside and then come home. But, a month ago he didn't come home one night. The not knowing was awful. Every time I saw a grey and white cat, my heart would skip a beat, until I realized it wasn't him. The news that he had been found was great. I excitedly called my mom and decided I would only go to thirty minutes of my last class so I could beat the traffic.

After class I drove into town and picked up Cole. We stopped by work so I could pick up copies of his proof of vaccination and a carrier. Cole was excited to go get Al and kept asking where he had been all this time. It was a question I wanted to know myself.

When I got to the shelter they peppered me with questions, who called me? how did he get there? etc. They didn't know what cat I was calling about and then they started arguing among each other about why there were no notes in their computer(I'm standing there holding Cole and a cat carrier, just wanting to go see Al), meanwhile one of the vet's overhear them and asked what was going on? When she realized what cat they were talking about, she said "that cat is in critical condition" she admonished them and said I needed to come back and verify that he was my cat and then take him to the vet. My heart dropped. I felt like I could barely put my feet in front of each other as we walked through the maze of hallways to get where he was. She said that someone had called and said that a cat had been in their backyard for three hours and hadn't moved. When he got to the shelter he had a body temp of 94 degrees, was disoriented and dehydrated. He wouldn't stand and was "knuckling" on his front feet when propped up. They had given him some fluids under the skin and done an exam, but found no obvious pain. They had been trying to stabilize his body temp. She said he hadn't made a noise since he'd been there. As soon as I approached his cage and said his name, he gave a pitiful meow. His eyes were staring blankly at the kennel door. She thanked me multiple times for having him microchipped and walked me up front so I could pay my reclaim fee. My mind was reeling, only 10 minutes before I had been expecting a joyous reunion and I had expected to see him mangy, skinny, even scratched up but not this.

I looked at the clock and it was ten minutes to six. I left Cole with the shelter workers and ran out to my car to grab my phone and call work to beg someone to stay after six to help me run diagnostics before I had to take him to the emergency clinic. I didn't ask a doctor to stay, just a nurse to help. Paying my reclaim fee and waiting for them to bring him up front seemed like hours. I then rushed Al and Cole into the car. I had to sit in rush-hour traffic with a panicked kid and a cat open mouthed breathing. My cell phone kept ringing because the news had spread. I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown, everytime Al stopped meowing Cole would say, "Al's dead, mommy Al died." So with one hand on the wheel, one hand on Al, trying to reassure Cole and moving at a snail's pace down Mopac we made it to Brodie. I was so thankful when I saw, Dr. Brown, Enricka, and Leah waiting for me. I would have never asked a doctor to stay and the fact that she did so without thought was wonderful. I have been vet teching for 7 years and my mind would not work, I couldn't remember how to set up the oxygen, the fluid pump, I had shut down. I hadn't eaten since breakfast, had a headache that been a dull pain and turned into a roar and was just trying to tell Dr. Brown what facts I knew. They placed a catheter and got fluids going and gave him some IV pain medication which almost immediately made him breath normal. He had no real deep pain sensation which wasn't a good sign. Enricka and I took x-rays while Leah occupied Cole. Shockingly there wasn't an obvious back injury, which suggested it was most likely a head inury. She gave him a steroid injection and I took him to the EC for the night.

The EC doctor called me at 1:00 am and said that he had developed nystagmus and asked if they could give Manitol which reduces the swelling in the brain. Cole and I went to pick him up in the morning. His front legs were almost completely stiff and we was even more disoriented than before. Dr. Mouser took care of him on Friday and Dr. Brown came up (it was her day off) to check on his neuro status. She had the difficult tasks of telling me his chances. She said 20% was being optimistic. I muddled through the day numbly taking in the words of sympathy.

I kept telling stories of Al, all day. I've had him almost 11 years and he has been my constant companion through all the many changes (jobs, husbands-yikes, towns, houses). When Shane and I were living in Oregon we stopped in the pet store that was next the grocery store. There was a litter of kittens that had been dropped off in a cardboard box, the entire litter was grey and there was one grey and white kitten. When we were shopping, Shane said he had to go to the bathroom. A few minutes later he came around the aisle with Al. At the time we lived in an apartment that didn't allow pets so we decided to name him, "Al Capone" because he was a "criminal" in the building. I can still remember like yesterday the pride of taking my "new baby" to the vet that first time, I can remember the layout of the clinic, the proud pet photos on the wall, them taking a photo (poloroid of course) of him and adding him the the collage and the vet taking one look at his huge paws and saying he'd be a big tom cat (boy was he wrong). Al never met a dog, cat, or person he didn't like.

Around 4:00 pm Dr. Mouser said that he didn't seem to be improving and we agreed to euthanize him. I closed the office door and lost it as I called my mom. She agreed to pick up Cole, so I could be with Al. Around 5:00pm Dr. Mouser decided to give him another steroid injection and I sat with him. He started becoming slightly more orientate and responding to noise, when someone walked by jingling his keys he lifted his head. Dr. Mouser recommended I take him home for the night.

I took him home and continued to feed him through his NG tube and express his bladder. Around 11:00pm when I was preparing to do his treatments, he went stiff, gasped open-mouthed and quickly passed away. I cradled him and then got dressed and blindly drove him to work, calling Leah. I removed his catheter and NG tube, made my own pawprint and said my goodbyes. Even though it seems morbid, it was reassuring and comforting to me that I went through the process alone of saying goodbye. I found comfort in the steps of doing the routine of death that sadly we have to do too often at work. I'm also taking comfort that I had closure and got to say goodbye, instead of always wondering where he was and worrying. I'm thankful that I microchipped him so he didn't have to die alone at the shelter and thankful that someone called the shelter so he didn't die outside, either. So goodbye Al you were the best and most loyal pet I have ever had and thanks to everyone who has helped and offered support.

Picture this...

Me standing in the front yard with a child sized bright red baseball helmet squeezed onto my head, my hair molded around my face, holding an impossibly small tee-ball bat and laughing so hard I can't stand up straight! My, my what the neighbors must think.

Saturday we took Cole to see the newest "kid" movie out, "Everybody's Hero." It's a cute movie involving a kid that goes searching for Babe Ruth's stolen bat to get his dad's job back, because his dad was blamed for it. Anyway...since then Cole has talked non-stop about baseball. Tonight we stopped at Academy and he picked out a bat (a real one---scary!, can you see the face I'm making as I type this?), a glove, a ball, and of course he sweetly requested a helmet.

After dinner, we played for an hour! We had a blast. I'm surprised how well he can hit the ball when I throw it to him. We took turns hitting and he insisted I wear the helmet when it was my turn (which is why I looked so silly). We chased each other around the yard and practiced throwing and catching, sadly I believe his skills are already on par with mine. So tonight the bat and ball are resting quietly in the garage (out of handy Cole reach) until tomorrow night's "game".