Rant

ARGGGGHHH! I’m so stressed out. It has been a rough few weeks at work (which I can’t vent about because so many of my work “friends”, as Cole calls them read my blog). On top of the work craziness the stress of Randy moving is driving me insane. Everyone is constantly talking to me about it and the constant drama is driving me crazy. I know everyone is concerned, which I greatly appreciate. But, I have never been one who really tells someone (other than my mom) everything. I usually gloss over the details and keep the rest to myself, which slowly eats me alive. Blogging has actually been a great relief. It creates a way for me to vent. After typing like crazy, I usually feel better.

He is moving this Friday. I mentioned a few posts ago that I suggested he see Cole on Saturday, since he was moving. He was supposed to call. Yup, never heard from him. He finally called on Sunday because he wanted to come drop-off Cole’s toys, but he called after Cole was asleep, so he still didn’t get to see him. He is absolutely the most aggravating person I know. I’m really stressed about him moving without a job. Besides paying child support he is supposed to cover Cole’s health insurance. If I have to cover it, it will be about $400 month and he would have to reimburse me, yeah that’s likely. After MANY e-mails to the lawyer, which get forwarded to Randy, he called and said “Don’t worry, I don’t plan on missing any payments.” “I know how you get stressed out about these things, after all, I was married to you.” Being married to him, was what made me stressed out all the time. I’m stressed about relying on him, I'm stressed about him being responsible enough to financial take care of Cole for 14 more years. His number one priority is himself and that will never change. It’s like pulling teeth to get him to do anything while living here (like providing up-to-date insurance cards), let alone across the country.

I’m stressed out, but I’m determined to put this behind me. I’m tired of letting my feelings towards him ruin my life. Once he leaves on Friday, I’m done. No matter what, I’m going to soldier on. I will make the most of my life with Cole So, I have four remaining days to let him irritate me and then I will put this past me once and for all (oh, okay...except really bad days).

Thanks to all my family and friends who have listened to me and supported me every step of the way. I couldn't have done any of this without you.

I'm going to make a promise to myself to take one day at a time. By nature I'm a quitter....no duh, divorced twice. I'm not afraid of hardwork, but I get discouraged easily. I'm going to focus on taking tiny baby steps instead of looking forward to the finish line. Inspite of everything, I am in a MUCH better place than I was this time last year. So, thanks again to everyone, I love ya!