Bummed out

Saturday my parents were having new windows installed in their house. If you are looking for a way to entertain a five-year-old boy for endless hours, hire some workers to come break your windows pane by pane, pry apart the old sill, and then install new windows. Cole was mesmerized. There was a crew of about 5 guys working on the house. They were all very polite and friendly especially with a kid in the audience. I was especially impressed when one of the guys got whacked in the face by a piece of the window sill he was prying off and just smiled, not a cuss word to be heard.

Cole really took a liking to one of the men. The guy was very sweet to Cole and tolerated his myriad of questions. They talked about Transformers and a few other cartoons. Cole followed him around like a shadow, talking a mile a minute, barely pausing for a breath. I could hear him telling the man all sorts of things about himself and telling him about his various toys. The man even sprayed a large happy face on the windows to entertain Cole when he was cleaning up at the end.

It is incidences like this that stop me in my tracks. It makes me realize how much a little boy needs a father and breaks my heart all over again. I'm foolish to think that I can be all things to Cole, but still not even close to being ready to even consider dating again. It's been over two years and I still feel like a walking wounded. I was eating lunch with some friends today and one of them hit the nail on the head. It wasn't that Cole's dad was the love of my life and I'm suffering from that loss. It was the fact that he is such a loser as a parent that has affected me greatly. Oh well, I guess I will just keep on keeping on, besides I wouldn't even date me :-)

A quick update on my Grandpa. He was transferred from the rehab place back to the hospital last night. My grandma wasn't sure why???????? Apparently he was in severe pain last night and they diagnosed a UTI according to her. They couldn't get him to wake up at all today and my grandma still had no more answers. My mom made some calls tonight to his various nurses and found out he has sepsis. The nurse advised my mom to wait one more day before deciding if she should come immediately, but things aren't looking good. We are starting to try to make arrangements for when and how we all are going to get to Arizona. My mom asked me if I had thought about when he dies, if I would take Cole to the funeral. Besides the fact that I would have too, because we will be out of town, I think I would anyway. I took him to my dad's father's funeral several years ago although he really didn't know that "Great Papa" very well. Sadly, death is apart of life.