Independence Day

The 4th of July for most Americans means our Nation's birthday. For others it is their wedding anniversary (Missy and Leah). For me it was the day Cole's dad and I decided to get a divorce. Things had been bad for over a year. We were in the car on the way home and I just simply said that I couldn't do this anymore. He agreed. After we were home, while we watch Cole play in the driveway with our neighbors kids, we started to hash things out. Who would stay in the house, who got what, etc. The dirty business of divorce, in the beginning wasn't so dirty for us. We were like two strangers at a garage sale just looking at our belongings like they were inventory and making arrangements.

It was eye opening for me, even at that time, when he said he only wanted to see Cole "every month or so." Who knew that "once a month", even when he lived ten minutes away was never?

Later that night after Cole was in bed I told him for the final time that if he/we got counseling I would try again. He looked me in the eye and coldly said, "I know I need help, but I like who I am and I'm not willing to change." And that was the end.There were no tears, no hysterics, no arguing, begging, or pleading all of that was over months prior. It was just the end. In many ways it was a relief.

I walked back into my room, called my mom and said, "Mom, I think I'm getting a divorce." The rest was like a slow motion dream. While he went out and partied at night, I packed up our life. On weekends I searched for a place to live and Cole and I moved out of the house. The rest is history.

I am no longer the same person I once was and will never be that person again. My hopes and dreams changed on that Independence Day, but I'm stronger because of it.