Home

Home is where the heart is. Home is where the heart is. I keep repeating this to myself as the day draws closer and closer to when I will have to decide to move back in with my parents.

I left home when I was 18/19 and I haven't had to move back since and I have had some lean times. Don't get me wrong I LOVE and appreciate my family but it is a big sacrifice for both of us, if Cole and I move in.

However, I'm at the edge of the cliff, metaphorically speaking now. I don't really have any options left. I can either stubbornly cling to the hope that I can continue to do this without any financial support from the ex or give up now before my credit is ruined, which will severely impact Cole's future. Besides, right now my parents are helping financially and I know they are giving up things for themselves in order to help us. Moving home will allow us to save some money and I should only have to be there until next August when Cole starts school and I don't have to pay daycare.

Moving home means, giving up all of my animals, yes all. Well, probably not the Beta fish. Toad the kitten, and Bullet our dog proably won't be too hard to find new homes. But I have a 10 year old crotchety cat and a six year old "large" cat that I have had since they were kittens that will be difficult, if not impossible, to find homes for. But, what do I choose Cole or them? It's been heartbreaking to even consider this as an option.

I'm just so tired. I know it's mean, but I hope Randy is miserable. I hope he is feeling at least some of the stress and anguish that I'm feeling. It won't make up for all the mental fatigue, sleepless nights and tears of frustration I have lost, but it's better than thinking of him happy while I struggle to support our son. Last night I sent him an e-mail, which I'm sure he'll never respond to, because that's his way. I let him know exactly what he has done to us and what the consequences of him walking away are. I told him that not only did Cole have to go through his parent's getting divorced and moving from the house he'd known. Then his dad moved away, not allowing for any chance of ever having a relationship. Now he will have to move again from the house that has become his home and give up all his pets and move in with my parents who should not have to help support him. Someday (far from now) when I feel more healed, I will e-mail him a link to my blog, so he can see what a mess he made out of everything.