D-I-V-O-R-C-E

Well, it’s official. I am finally divorced. I should feel sad but all I feel is a sense of relief. The first time that I got divorced, yes, I have been married twice (a fact that I’m not proud of and rarely mention) I was devastated. I was married very young and we divorced a few years later. He cheated on me. I felt was like I was sucker punched. I still loved him. It was like driving along in a car when suddenly you are hit head on, you don’t see it coming until the split second before the car hits you (okay maybe there were a few warning signs). This time, however, it was like you saw that you were about to have an accident, you knew it was unavoidable, but you had time to prepare. We decided 11 months ago that we were going to get divorced, but it was over long before that. The lack of involvement he has shown in Cole’s life, since that time, has only solidified my feelings. I know with 100% certainty, I made the right choice for Cole and myself. I will not look back or what “if” this decision, like I have so many in my life. Last week, Randy said that he was probably going to move back to New York. He couldn’t believe I wasn’t surprised. I want him to go. I know that’s unfair to Cole, but he’s an absent father at best. He lives only a few miles away and rarely sees his son. Now, however, he’s dating someone here. It’s sad to me that he wouldn’t mind leaving and not being with his own son, but would stay for a girl (I can only imagine the sob stories and lies he tells her). It’s weird to me that he is dating again. I’m not jealous, because I know the type of man she’s going to get. It just ironic that he’s free to date and be single, because Cole factors into his life, so little. I’m just ready to put this past me and move on. No more looking back. Here’s to the future!