Out of the blue

Today my boss asked me if I had gotten his two page e-mail. I said no, but as soon as I had time I would sit down and check my messages. This afternoon I finally had a moment. As soon as I opened my e-mail account the first new message I saw was from Cole's dad. I was momentarily stunned. We haven't heard from him in six months and now an e-mail. With trepidation I opened the message.

In summary, he said that he was sorry he hasn't called but he has been "busy" and traveling most of the summer (warning sarcastic response ahead: apparently to locations that don't have cell phone service). He was forwarding his new address, wanted to know how Cole was doing, can I send him some pictures and oh, by the way please consider sending him to NY next summer, he will pay the way of course. He could take vacation and spend "24/7" with him.

Wow, where do I even start? He has seen him for approximately 3 hours in an entire year and spoken to him on the phone maybe a total of 10 minutes in that time and he wants me to send Cole to him a year from now? I saved the e-mail because I didn't know what to say that was polite. Leah suggested I write what I was really thinking in a draft and then go back and delete what I didn't want to say. I said that if I did that, the only word I would have left was "no" - we both cracked up.

First of all, I know this, like always, is just lip service. Just like last year when he was going to be working in Houston for 8 weeks and he said he was going to come see Cole "every weekend" that he was in town. He saw him twice, both times for about 1.5 hours and when for Cole's birthday when he said he mailed a gift and hadn't. It's a 99% probability that nothing will ever be spoken about this again.

I thought carefully about my reply. It's an exercise in my self-control to write a civil response. Despite everything he is still Cole's dad and I don't in any way want to hurt Cole by creating an ugly environment or shutting the door completely.

I simply stated that I didn't even know how to respond to his question and that it had been quite some time since we've heard from him. I said that at this point in time it would not be in Cole's best interest to go to NY in a year. I said that they haven't spend much time together or on the phone in the past year, another year will only make that separation more apparent. If he really wants to see him he could schedule a visit down here and establish a bond with him. I would have no problem with them visiting here. Maybe if at some point they had a relationship and he is a little older a visit up there would be more appropriate. I said I would send a photo and thanked him for the updated information. I let him know that Cole was doing good, had started school, and was an amazing kid (again sarcastic response: no thanks to him!)

I know this is ugly of me, but in some ways I'm thankful they don't have a relationship. There are two kids (from the same family) who's parents are divorced on Cole's T-ball team and they sob and cling to their dad when he leaves and he gently says, "I'll see you on Sunday." There is an angelic girl in my Kindergarten class, with an adorable southern accent, who's parents are going through a very nasty divorce, she is only 5 and in counseling. Another girl in the class never can remember what parent she is spending the night with. Cole and I don't have any of those problems.

Guess I will wait and see, what if any response I get in return.